Thursday, August 14, 2008

Ya Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs...

I am now in Charleston, South Carolina. The last stop on what I told a friend a couple nights ago is my Tour of Peace. Yay.

I was in the car for…almost 7 hours today. Which is awful - it was raining so it was extra long and boring. I had lots of random thoughts to keep me alert and awake, though. For example, I counted how many boyfriends I’ve had in my little life. I mean actual relationships, not just one or two monthers. Since I was 16 (13 years ago for those keeping track), I’ve had seven boyfriends. Is that a lot? I’m not sure. Most have been six months or so. A few long ones in there. I like to think I'm a tough catch, but that seems like a big number. Oh well. 7 it is. As I was trying to think of their similarities, I actually came up with a list of differences.

I think dark hair is the hottest, but have dated quite a few blonds. Even one redhead. I also prefer blue eyes, but the majority has in fact not had blue eyes. Maybe that’s a sign I should stick to a dark haired, blue eyed boy since that’s what I like best, and it hasn’t worked out veering away from that image. Dark hair is hot too because guys with dark hair usually have hairy chests and scruffy faces. Hot and double hot.

None have been bald. And most have played the guitar. In fact, I’d say most of the guys I’ve dated period have played the guitar. I don’t know what that’s about. It’s a popular instrument.

So then I started thinking about all the guys I’ve ever dated, not just the boyfriends. Because ooo there was a one monther that was in a band. He wasn’t particularly hot, but really hot in the bedroom ooo ahh. Looked hot on stage too. Hands are something that first attract me to someone. Hands are a big deal. And guitarists usually have big, strong hands and know how to use them! The last guy’s room I was in, I remember walking in for the first time and seeing guitars and thinking, “Uh huh. Of course you play the guitar.” I seem to have a knack for seeking them out. Or maybe some kind of secret siren that attracts them to me. I do love the guitar, though, so guilty as charged.

And as far as I know, I’ve never dated a guy that played any other musical instrument. Definitely gotta find me a harmonica player. That's right up there with a tongue ring.

I figured out today I’ve dated two anarchists. That’s an odd one, don’t you think? Two Jewish guys, two Catholics…well, no, probably more Catholics than that, but with the others it just never got to the “what religion are you” conversation. Probably more atheists than I’d like. One of the anarchists was atheist. Oh! And the other was Catholic so that’d make three total. Sorry, now I’m categorizing them. I don’t mean to sound callous or diminish them to a bunch of boxes to check, but it was an entertaining driving game. Hard to play the license plate game alone, you see, so please don’t think I’m being insensitive. They’re all complex, caring, interesting people who have been good to me, and I think we’ve had a lot of fun too.

All had straight hair but one. I also don’t think I ever went out with anyone from California. Or Texas. In fact, I think they’ve all been from the East Coast. I did date a guy from Reno, Nevada. He was really into Reno 911, but I think Super Troopers is way funnier. That guy was actually strange. We ate at an Indian restaurant, and he made a big deal about how he wasn’t going to buy me any Naan. I was paying for my own meal anyway, but he got all weird about the bread.

I had a few dates with a vegetarian last summer. Meat is good. I love to cook, and what would I cook for him? Bor-ring. I’ve never dated anyone who has been married or has a kid. Those are adventures I want us to have together for the first time. Athletes…a few guys who played football in high school. No college athletes. Ooo well a soccer guy. Soccer guys are the cutest. The cutest guy I dated in high school was on the soccer team. Aw I had one boyfriend who played football in high school, and I still wear his Catholic Football t-shirt! It’s comfy. I love stealing shirts.

I’ve dated princes and paupers. A few guys had lots of money. One kept trying to buy me things so that freaked me out. I would honestly rather go to Taco Bell on a first date or his favorite dive bar than a four star restaurant. It's more genuine and relaxed. I’d just rather date someone who’s making his future than one who’s already living it. I’m making mine now, and I like the idea of us making one together, answering life's questions and figuring things out together. I think that goes back to my old dream of being poor, traveling the world and living off of peanut butter sandwiches and sex.

Jobs. Ok, I’ll do a run-down of the big seven first, and I’ll tell you what they were when I dated them because that makes the most sense. High school student. College student, college student. Pothead/Video store clerk. Accountant. Music agent. Journalist/firefighter. See? Runs the gamut. Ok, so jobs of guys I’ve just dated. I went out with a guy once who works at the Pentagon and writes Congressional testimony. Yikes. I’ve dated lawyers, but never a doctor. Never a teacher either, and that’s too bad cuz I like teachers. Two firefighters actually, but never a cop. A few investment bankers...snooze. Paralegal. Assistant minister of music. Cigar bar owner. That was interesting, and he introduced me to cigars, which are so yummy with college football. Caterer. Rock star! Ok, so he wasn’t a star, but I did tell you he was in a band.

My aunt teaches psychology, and she’s big on birth order. Did you know that the most successful match ever is between either two youngests or one youngest and an only? I’m an only. Though also kinda a youngest, and evidently, my personality matches the youngest. Out of the seven, there were…three onlies. Three oldest. And one youngest. Actually, the last boyfriend was a youngest, and I’d definitely say he’s the closest to what I’m looking for so maybe that’s why. If I ever make a pre-date interview, that’ll be a survey question. So see? This is helpful. Dark haired, blue eyed, youngest. Who plays the guitar because that seems to be cosmic and out of my control. And a hairy chest because it's just hot.

The one common denominator in all of them is that none are dancers. I love to dance and have never, ever dated a dancer. Maybe one date. I’ll give the one date wonders the benefit of the doubt, but nobody I've ever really dated. And I definitely want a guy that dances. It’s silly, but important to me. I hope I find one.

I don’t have a body type. I’ve dated tall, short, thin, stocky, athletic…I don’t even know what I prefer. Tall. I definitely prefer tall. Tall is hot. Though hard to find and not being bald is a higher priority so I’d sacrifice tall for hair. Ok, now it just sounds like I’m ordering take-out! “If they’re out of broccoli then no Kung Pao Chicken, Spicy Garlic Chicken instead.” Aw but if it were that easy, think of all the fun we’d miss out on. And all the mistakes we’d make too. We don’t know what’s best for us. Sometimes what we think we want, we don’t really like at all. Or don’t need.

That’s the whole process and purpose of dating, I guess - figuring out what you’re looking for. But it's actually just a way of getting us to where we need to be because we don’t really know what we’re looking for until we find it and it fits just right. So I may end up with a bald blond with green eyes and two left feet, who’s an oldest. I don’t know. It’s a mystery. But I sure have had fun adventures with some great guys along the way.


Lyla Lou said...

Haha...I loved your rundown of exes, and the guitar thing, I can completely relate. My last ex was also my 3rd guitar player, but the 1st that had an actual band.

I used to have a list of my ideal perfect guy, with complete details like hair color, height, eye color. I was even crazy enough to add that I wanted him to have a golden retriever growing up. So when I finally met a guy that fit all those tiny details, I was shocked. It didn't work out with us, but it was nice to throw that list out the window!

Penny Lane said...

Lyla Lou! I did the same thing. Though I didn't really have a list. There was something I thought my guy would say and then I would know he was "the one," but when a guy did actually say it...he turned out not to be the one. Ha. What do we know! It does feel good to get rid of those silly ideas, though, doesn't it?

*M* said...

I've kissed my fair share of frogs.
Most people that meet E are dumbfounded because he is the opposite of everyone I have ever dated.

We have a guitar is our room and he plays it from time to time. :o)

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