Monday, February 9, 2009

Weekend Update

Kick. Ass.

I had a great weekend, and the boyfriend is still as great as ever!

Do you ever feel like you have to babysit your significant other? I've felt that so many times before. I'll go to a party with a boyfriend, and I'll keep an eye on him the whole time, checking to see how he's doing, if he's talking to people, if he looks comfortable, and I'll periodically make sure I spend time with him because I'm afraid to leave him alone for too long. I'm not sure what I've been worried about happening exactly, but I guess I've just felt in the past that Boyfriend X was nervous, uncomfortable, unable to hold his own, or needy. It's always felt like an obligation.

Not so with this one. FlyBoy can talk to anyone, can have fun anywhere and doesn't need supervision. When I did talk to him or sit next to him, it was because I wanted to. Because I missed holding his hand or hearing his laugh.

Friday night, we had dinner with a few of my friends. With this group, we all know each other very well so that can intimidating. He jumped right in, though! It was so easy, like everything with him.

Saturday, we were busy hopping around visiting people he didn't know. Again, he was great. Comfortable, charming and happy. I couldn't ask for more. And Saturday night, we all went out dancing. He's a great dancer, and by Saturday night, I could tell he was totally comfortable with my friends and that he really liked them. That made me happy. My friends and his friends are totally different types - when we got home last night, he said they were like night and day - so I was nervous that he wouldn't feel comfortable or would be a bit taken aback by them. Luckily, he loved them and really enjoyed himself.

All in all, this wonderful boyfriend is still wonderful. I'm amazed. I told him last night I thought he was too good to be true. He laughed and said I'd better believe it. He really seems too good to be true, though. I am one lucky gal.

And thanks, bloggy friends, for all your support and for being so darn happy for me. You guys are the greatest!

Friday, February 6, 2009

My Boyfriend is Better Than Your Honor Student

I have the sweetest, bestest boyfriend ever! This is gonna be a mushy one, y'all, so grab a bucket in case you get sick. ;)

A few days ago, I was sad because I missed my friends in DC. I was homesick for them. And I told him. His immediate response? "When are we going to visit them?" Aw. I should tell you all that because of his job, he flies for free and can take guests with him too. So after listening to me sniff-sniff a little, he planned a weekend trip for us to DC. We're leaving in a few hours! I can't wait! I'm so excited for him to meet my friends, but I'm also so excited for them to meet him. I want to show him and his awesomeness off.

As I'm swimming in giddiness lately, I decided to write a cheese-tastic list about my FlyBoy so you all can get to know him a little and I can brag about how wonderful he is and how friggin' lucky I am.

My boyfriend is great because...

  • He loves my cooking and is so great about doing the dishes after we eat!
  • He's sweet to my fluffy little girlie dog and gives her lots of attention...even though she's a fluffy little girlie dog.
  • He's my absolute favorite person to sleep with. And yes, I mean sleep! He's so cuddly and we fit so well together. I have the most restful sleep with him. I'm addicted.
  • He's laidback and easygoing and has fun no matter what.
  • He's always excited about hanging out with my friends and makes an effort. And he likes them a lot. And they just love him!
  • He's adventurous and spontaneous.
  • He's more compatible with me than anyone I've ever ever dated, I didn't even know it could be this good - we like to do the same things, have similar dispositions and outlooks, we're both really smiley, have fun no matter what we're's like we were made from the same mold. Seriously. Aw.
  • Oh my gosh - he loves to dance! And he's good at it!
  • He has the hottest arms and the cutest ass!
  • He's very generous and gifted...
  • He loves sports, especially college football, but our teams don't play each other. So he can sing Rocky Top and I can...I don't know what Georgia Tech fans do. Buzz?
  • He's so perceptive and intuitive when it comes to me. It's like he can read my mind. I don't know if he's psychic or if he just pays really good attention.
  • He makes me giggle!
  • He's strong and secure, yet also soft and open.
  • He makes jokes about Stepford Wives just like I do! Phew. Nothing to worry about with this one.
  • He loves New York!
  • And he loves to travel to new places and would be happy as a clam to go somewhere new every weekend.

I was thinking about something yesterday that I think sums it all up. A friend told me a few years ago about a book she read called "The Five Languages of Love," and it made the most sense to me.

The premise of it is that there are five ways of expressing/interpreting love - physical affection; making time for someone/spending time with someone; verbal expressions; monetary gifts; and acts of service - and that each individual expresses/interprets love in different ways. So I might rank the five languages differently than you would. And I might rank them differently in terms of how I personally express my love for others and then how I interpret that someone cares for me.

With FlyBoy, this is the first time I can honestly say that I'm dating someone who expresses his feelings in each of the five ways. I just feel so loved. I don't even mean "loooove" as in "I love you." I just mean that I feel his feelings for me. I know he cares. I am just the luckiest girl alive. And I'm off to have another wonderful weekend with this wonderful boy!

(Thanks for indulging my mushiness - I promise not to turn this into one of those icky-lovey-dovey-doo blogs.)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

When Do You Give Up?

I love my friends. I treasure them. My friends are the center of my world. They keep me grounded, they keep me happy, they challenge me, they keep me laughing, they make me the person that I am. The people in my life are my top priority, and my life often orbits around them. I love each of them more than words can express.

But do you ever give up on a friendship? Can you ever? When do you reach the point where you say, "Enough is enough"?

When I was in middle school, I had friend problems. Each year I tried to wiggle my way into a group of friends, and each year, they hurt me and wouldn't let me into their clique. But after those awkward adolescent years, everything's been fine. I'm great at making friends and good at keeping them. I think I'm pretty fun, easygoing and slow to anger. When something does happen, I'm quick to apologize, I'm forgiving and don't hold grudges. I am by no means a perfect person, but I do believe that if there's even one thing I'm good at in this world, it's love.

In the past few years, I've had problems with friends. Problems that remind me of grades 6-8 when a good friend really was hard to find. I actually got very depressed about this a couple years ago, and when I talked to my mom about it, she counseled that it's just what happens when you're in your 20s. She said people grow and change a lot in that time, and you won't always grow and change together. I think she's right, and in reading your blogs over these past few months, I feel a little better about these problems because I see that I'm not alone. It still sucks, though, doesn't it?

You just feel so helpless. You don't know what you did wrong or what's happening or how to fix it. You expect a dating relationship to end, but not a friendship. Never a friendship. The pain of losing a friend aches in ways your heart hasn't bent before. And it's a slow ache that creeps up on you and intensifies as more time passes. I've gotten over the worst heartaches of my little life so much sooner than I've ever recovered from losing a friendship. It's a dull pain that stays with you.

This is what it feels like to lose a friend.

I don't know about you, but I never want to lose a friend. I never let go. I always keep wishing. If any of the friends I've lost in the past few years sent a kind email, a little "Hello, how are you?" I would be happy to reconnect and rebuild what we lost. I would apologize as easily as I would accept apologies - all with the thrill of welcoming the Prodigal Son that is our friendship home.

Looking back at my life, I've never chosen to end a friendship. There have been points when I felt it wasn't going to work, but even through those times, I push on and keep hoping. It's foolish probably. Many have cautioned me that it isn't healthy, that I just let myself get hurt again and again. Yet it's who I am. I love. Forever.

When someone hurts you consistently just because they can, isn't that the time to toss in the towel? To give up and save yourself more heartache? Probably. But it's so difficult for me to reach that point that if I ever did, it wouldn't be a big production. It wouldn't be calculated or declared. It would be a sad and private moment.

What about the realization that your friend is not who you thought they were? Love is blind, and sometimes we are too. Sometimes we see the best in someone whose best doesn't show its face enough. How do you get to the point where you can admit you were wrong about someone and that the friendship isn't what you thought it was?

Sometimes I understand why a friendship is changing, what is at the crux of the issue, and I sympathize for my friend and for myself. I wonder if it's unfair of me to continue pushing, am I forcing them to be who I want them to be? Is it selfish to hold on? Can you ever force friendship? Is it self-indulgent? Why is it so hard to admit a friendship has run its course? Is it weakness?

When I'm worried or upset about a friendship on the rocks, I focus on the good, solid friendships in my life. The ones I'm certain will never go anywhere. I focus on all the love in my life rather than the love I've lost out of my life. I find that whenever you do that, you realize that one greatly outweighs the other. What we have is always more than what we've lost.

So let's try to stay chin up on those bad days, and shoot a good friend a quick "I love you, and I appreciate you," message. After all, when we stop to really look at what we have, we'll see we have a lot of love in our lives.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Weirdest Walgreens Purchase Ever

Today at Walgreens, my friendly neighborhood pharmacy, I purchased the following essential items:

3 boxes of condoms (different types because I'm trying to find a favorite)
1 refilled prescription of birth control
1 bottle of Flintstone Vitamins

The cashier visibly stifled laughter as he checked me out. What, dude? Sex and health (eh hem, and sex health) are very important to me.

Can Celery and Ugly Pants Ever Get Along?

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.
~Dave Barry

I don't like to argue politics. But I love discussing it with people if we can find common ground. I don't enjoy conflict or arguments, and I find that more often than not, they separate people rather than bring them closer together.

This is not a political blog. This is a personal blog where I rattle on about my personal thoughts on life and personal adventures. And in keeping with that, this post will be a personal post and not a political one. Rather than make this about one side versus the other, I will use cryptic and nonsensical nomenclatures for the two parties.

I am an Apple, and my sweet boyfriend is an Orange. I have friends who are Apples, Oranges, Blueberries and even Turnips. I used to think that it would be impossible to be with someone intimately who wasn't an Apple. But that's not at all the case. When we talk politics, we listen to each other, we give and take, and we always find points of agreement and focus on those. I think we learn from each other and challenge each other just by listening. And we agree far more often than we disagree. If we didn't, well, that just wouldn't work for me.

I like talking politics, and I have friends who loooove talking politics. I have friends whose values would be compromised if they partnered with someone of the opposite political party. I understand that. We each have different priorities and ideas about relationships and life - that's what makes us individuals. Just like them, there are certain things that I will not compromise on.

Every once in awhile, my friends send me political emails. I often choose not to respond if I feel the emails are too didactical, too moralizing or too polarizing. I read them, absorb the information and form my own opinion about what I agree with and disagree with, then I delete them without responding.

I think the tone of the email has a lot to do with my reception of it and concede that I can be a bit sensitive. I also concede that I too have been guilty of sending political emails to friends who I know are on the other side, but I always try to be gentle and accepting with my tone. No one is ever perfect, and with any communication, there is frequently a disconnect between the intention and the reception. I would hate to upset or offend one of my friends, and I know they feel the same. But the personal is political, and often times, feelings do get hurt. For me, it's just not worth it.

I could never last in politics, and in my short tenure of working for a national non-profit, I learned I don't have the stomach for it.
No matter which side of the aisle you choose, there will be corrupt politicians on your side, and there will be issues that you disagree with the party on. And there will be times that you feel alone. I'm too sensitive. And too passionate. And not tough enough. I love peace and harmony and love and friendship. :D

I'm not sure how to conclude this discussion or what message to espouse. I just hate arguing, especially with friends. And I think that arguing about politics can often lead to insults, name calling and people saying things they mean, but later apologize with: "Oh, I didn't really mean that." Like they think that of other people who disagree with them, but not of exactly does that work? Yick. It's not for me. I'll stick to hugs, rainbows and unicorns, thank you very much.

Politics - I don't know why, but they seem to have a tendency to separate us, to keep us from one another, while nature is always and ever making efforts to bring us together.
~Sean O'Casey

Before you can begin to think about politics at all, you have to abandon the notion that there is a war between good men and bad men.
~Walter Lippmann

Men are joined by conviction, sundered by opinion.

Monday, February 2, 2009

It's Just a Ride, It's Just a Ride

Ah! I am so sorry, y'all. I've been neglecting you. This semester is kicking my little butt, and I'm also spending an awful lot of time with the new boy. Mmm...he is wonderful!

As I've already said, this is very different from every other relationship. I always know that things are going to end. At the beginning, I can always see the end. If I like the guy (or if I just like dating someone because let's be honest, girls, that happens more often than we'd like to admit), I'll try to wiggle my way out of it. I'll be overly understanding, giving all those little things a free pass, and I'll talk myself out of all the negative thoughts I'm having.

It's pretty ridiculous that I've done that as often as I have. I liked Mountain Man. He was hot, and dude cracked me up. But from the moment that I noticed his flip flops and heard him say he had to choose between those and his muddy hiking boots, I knew we were not destined to be together. That's stupid, I thought, Now I'm benching guys for the shoes they wear? But it was more than that. As I said, "He'd never understand my shoe habit." I think we were verrrrry different people, and I could tell that in the first conversation. Then all these other little things started cropping up, and before you know it, I'm ignoring his phone calls.

I could literally take you through every guy I've ever dated, serious and not-at-all serious, and dissect them all like this. I could tell you what I noticed first, how I talked myself out of letting it bother me, what I noticed next and I talked myself out of those...or didn't. I always believe the best out of everyone, and that includes the men I choose to date. I believe that even though he has no fucking clue what he wants to do with his life, he's going to figure it out soon, and it will be perfect, and he will be happy. That's a popular one. (I know you've fallen into that trap too, ladies.)

So I excel at finding what's wrong and at pushing it out of my mind. With this one...none of that is happening.

We spent all weekend together. All friggin' weekend except for about 4 hours on Saturday and 1 on Sunday. And I missed him during those short little hours. Who am I? I'm turning into the biggest, mushiest sucker. Eee gads! I think I'm falling in love.

It's the scariest thing too. To realize how out of control you are. I think that with all the other guys, I didn't mind noticing all those ways we were incompatible because I always knew what was going to happen, even when I refused to accept it. I was in control. There is a certain comfort in seeing the ending at the beginning. When you can't see the ending and are used to being able to, there is nothing scarier. I mean, I guess there's always the possibility that it won't end. But that's hella scary too.

I've never been a fan of rollercoasters, but I think I understand now why people are. The buildup to the ride is terrifying, you know that upside-down loop is coming, your stomach is flip-flopping. But it's also fun and exhilarating. And as scared as you are, the smile never leaves your face. Maybe I wasn't ready for a rollercoaster before. Maybe I just crossed the line of being able to ride. Maybe I need to stop thinking so much, and just enjoy the ride. Maybe...yep, that one.

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared
Don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget to enjoy the ride

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