Monday, February 2, 2009

It's Just a Ride, It's Just a Ride

Ah! I am so sorry, y'all. I've been neglecting you. This semester is kicking my little butt, and I'm also spending an awful lot of time with the new boy. Mmm...he is wonderful!

As I've already said, this is very different from every other relationship. I always know that things are going to end. At the beginning, I can always see the end. If I like the guy (or if I just like dating someone because let's be honest, girls, that happens more often than we'd like to admit), I'll try to wiggle my way out of it. I'll be overly understanding, giving all those little things a free pass, and I'll talk myself out of all the negative thoughts I'm having.

It's pretty ridiculous that I've done that as often as I have. I liked Mountain Man. He was hot, and dude cracked me up. But from the moment that I noticed his flip flops and heard him say he had to choose between those and his muddy hiking boots, I knew we were not destined to be together. That's stupid, I thought, Now I'm benching guys for the shoes they wear? But it was more than that. As I said, "He'd never understand my shoe habit." I think we were verrrrry different people, and I could tell that in the first conversation. Then all these other little things started cropping up, and before you know it, I'm ignoring his phone calls.

I could literally take you through every guy I've ever dated, serious and not-at-all serious, and dissect them all like this. I could tell you what I noticed first, how I talked myself out of letting it bother me, what I noticed next and next...how I talked myself out of those...or didn't. I always believe the best out of everyone, and that includes the men I choose to date. I believe that even though he has no fucking clue what he wants to do with his life, he's going to figure it out soon, and it will be perfect, and he will be happy. That's a popular one. (I know you've fallen into that trap too, ladies.)

So I excel at finding what's wrong and at pushing it out of my mind. With this one...none of that is happening.

We spent all weekend together. All friggin' weekend except for about 4 hours on Saturday and 1 on Sunday. And I missed him during those short little hours. Who am I? I'm turning into the biggest, mushiest sucker. Eee gads! I think I'm falling in love.

It's the scariest thing too. To realize how out of control you are. I think that with all the other guys, I didn't mind noticing all those ways we were incompatible because I always knew what was going to happen, even when I refused to accept it. I was in control. There is a certain comfort in seeing the ending at the beginning. When you can't see the ending and are used to being able to, there is nothing scarier. I mean, I guess there's always the possibility that it won't end. But that's hella scary too.

I've never been a fan of rollercoasters, but I think I understand now why people are. The buildup to the ride is terrifying, you know that upside-down loop is coming, your stomach is flip-flopping. But it's also fun and exhilarating. And as scared as you are, the smile never leaves your face. Maybe I wasn't ready for a rollercoaster before. Maybe I just crossed the line of being able to ride. Maybe I need to stop thinking so much, and just enjoy the ride. Maybe...yep, that one.

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared
Don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget to enjoy the ride


5 comments:

Melrox said...

HOORAY for love. I just got my wedding pictures back and everytime I look at them I remember how great it is to be in love.

Carolyn said...

Yeah!!!! I've been dying to read an update and so happy it's a positive one!

Love is so fun, enjoy your ride!

Carolyn said...

Fun fun fun! You can have the letter S...that is a good one me thinks!

Carolina Girl said...

I am SOO happy for you! I think I needed to hear this. I've been in similar situation lately...so afraid to let go and feel. I'm terrified of getting hurt and always waiting for something to go wrong. But I need to just stop covering my eyes, stop being scared and enjoy the ride!

:) Keep us posted!! Sounds like l-0-v-e to me!!!!

Jen Kucsak said...

Wow so happy for you!!! Looking forward to more posts. Keep us updated!

 
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