Tuesday, September 30, 2008

My Car Thinks I'm a Rock Star

That's right. I dance in my car. I rock out in my car. And occasionally I do get sideways glances from passersby. I was really jamming a couple months ago and spotted a couple laughing and pointing. I gave them the thumbs-up and tossed my hair around. It's important to be gracious to your fans, after all.

I match my underwear to my mood and sadly haven't been in the mood recently to wear my lacey flirty fun ones. It's almost like I decide in the morning how I want to feel the rest of the day, and that's how I pick between the sporty boy shorts and the sexy black cheekies.

But some moods require something stronger than knowing your ass looks hot in the lace you're wearing. I match my music to my mood too and have definitely been kicking it to flirty fun tunes of late. Something's gotta pep me up and liven me a bit, and music's been helping. What's better therapy than rock and roll?

I thought I'd share with you some favorites from my iPod, and maybe you'd find a new band that you like:

  • The New Pornographers
  • The Stills
  • The Gossip
  • The Rolling Stones
  • The Ting Tings (what is it about band names? is there a rule they all have to start with the?)
  • Yeah Yeah Yeahs
  • Janis Joplin (still kicking ass almost 40 years after her death - say no to drugs, kids!)
  • Electrocute
  • Paramore
  • Estelle (not rock but still flirty and peppy)
  • Lady GaGa (also not rock but totally flirty and fun)
  • Tilly and the Wall
  • Brendon Benson
  • Louis XIV
  • Bain Mattox (based in Athens, GA - check him out!!)
  • Garbage
As you can tell, I really dig rock bands with chicks. I'm a rocker chick, they're rocker chicks - it just makes sense. Or anyway, that's what I am in one of my many fantasy lives. And what does music offer but a way out of real life and into a fantasy world?

I imagine myself with pink streaks in my hair (done it), tight black leather pants (does vinyl count?), hot stilettos (closet is full of them) and a sexy top with a push-up bra (check, check!). If I have the costume, I can live the dream, right? I'm at least one step closer. Sometimes it helps to be somebody else for awhile.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

I am such a sappy girl. And this is why I love Grey’s Anatomy! I’m so happy to have it back in my life. It’s been too long, gang, too too long.

One thing I love about that show is the friendship between Meredith and Christina. A good girlfriend is sometimes better than a man. Sometimes you just need your girl. And this whole episode was about female friendship and how important it is. We cannot get through the rough patches without hands to hold. And it is easier to cry when someone cries with us.

A close friend visited me last weekend, and we talked about what our friendship means to each of us. We laughed about all we’ve been through, and we grinned with the comfort of knowing that whatever is to come, we will have each other.

When you don’t feel strong, it helps to be with someone who loves you. Sometimes their presence alone bolsters you, and you know that you can survive. And sometimes you look in their eyes and can see a reflection of the strength that is in your heart and it helps you remember who you are.

I don’t know what it is that’s so special and unique about female friendship. It’s easier to be vulnerable around a woman. I am fortunate enough to have been deeply loved in my little life, but I don’t have a true love just yet. I’m not sure how that will compare to the friendships in my life. But I do know that there will always be things I can only talk about with my girlfriends.

There’s a recent trend in television, and much thanks for this goes to the Sex and the City girls. The trend is the focus on the endurance and power of female friendships. And this replaces the ugly images of catfights and backstabbing. It’s a positive representation of women and a true one. Finally, there’s something real about women on television that we can relate to.

I love my girlfriends, and here’s a list of the reasons why –

  • They always notice when I change my hair and always tell me it looks great…even when it looks like I stuck my finger in a socket.
  • They drink champagne with me because they understand that some days are just champagne days.
  • They tell me it’s ok to cry and it’s ok not to cry.
  • They never tell me when they don’t think my boyfriend is “the one,” but I know if we were to get engaged, they’d do the hard thing and be honest.
  • They go shopping with me and never say things like, “Are you sure you need that super cute new handbag?” because they understand it's not about "need," it's about "want."
  • When one of us needs to have ice cream for dinner, we’re always willing to take one for the team and indulge in some delicious cold treats.
  • We’re willing to rearrange our lives to be there for each other.
  • They tell off people that are mean to me – whether it’s an angry college football fan, a rude dude in a bar, a mutual friend or a boyfriend, they speak up for me even when I can’t speak up for myself.
  • They always defend the silver lining when I can’t find one.
  • They’re always supportive – of my bad hair, my skirt that’s too short, my lackluster boyfriend, my overcooked meat, but more importantly they’re especially supportive when I struggle with believing in myself.
  • When I talk to them about a fight I had with someone, they tell me where both of us were wrong so that instead of supporting me blindly, they're challenging me to be a better person.
  • They're always up for being goofy whether it's watching bad MTV shows all day like it's our job, driving to the beach at midnight to see the sunrise, stuffing our faces with a giant bag of chocolate popcorn, rolling a guy friend's car, getting drunk in the middle of the afternoon while playing a board game or anything else that may tickle our fancy. Girls do just want to have fun, after all.

  • No matter what, we’re always on each other’s side.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Why TV is Better Than Homework

In the past few weeks, I’ve developed an embarrassing habit. Watching The O.C. on Soap Net. It’s a guilty pleasure, and my only defense is that it’s cathartic to watch melodrama when your own life is especially dramatic. And that show is just hilarious. It's so bad, it's just good.

Personally, I always had a thing for Seth. Sure, Ryan’s heroism and hot muscles are hard to beat (and did I say hot?), but there’s just something charming about that weird little emo kid in his music tees. He’s funny, quirky, honest and so gosh darn cute. My heart always melts for the goofy romantic marching to the beat of his own drummer.

Marissa, on the other hand, I was never a fan of. Always crying, always falling down, always drunk. Get ahold of yourself, woman! I liked her better when she was the gross ghost always puking in The Sixth Sense. Not sure exactly what Ryan saw in her, but there are those guys that love playing "knight in shining armor" and a trainwreck like that girl provided plenty of “Save the Day!” opportunities.

Other awesomely bad TV shows still in syndication are, of course, 90210, Charmed and I actually really like that show What I Like About You. Amanda Bynes is so cute, I just want to put her in my pocket! And whatever happened to Felicity? That was in syndication, but somehow is lost in cyberspace now. Ooo Ben was one hot hottie with smokin’ hot arm muscles. Did I say hot?

Syndication be darned, though, because there are bunches of awesomely bad shows on right now. Gossip Girl just had a mindboggling plotline that would give some soap operas a run for their money. Nate, a high school senior, had an affair with a married woman, Katherine, who turned out to be the stepmother of his friend Blair’s boyfriend, Marcus. Then it was revealed that Katherine was also having an affair with Marcus. Oh and Nate had to sleep with Katherine because she knew where his dad the embezzler was hiding out and threatened to tell the feds. Seriously, who thinks this stuff up? Literary geniuses, that’s who.

And don't forget The Hills. It’s reality (but not) and melodrama all rolled into one. But all the people are pretty and clad in trendy fashion. What girl doesn’t have a crush on Brody? Hell, I even have a girl crush on Lauren. LC, if you’re reading, let’s be friends. I know we’d get along great, and I promise not to date one of your exes or tell the world about your sex tape. Think you can hook me up with some designer duds?

All I know is life is a lot more entertaining on television. For that matter, so is drama. What I wouldn’t give right now for a good, old fashioned love triangle with a couple of musclely dudes or a friend who’s being stalked by an ex on coke. Thank God for TV.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

One Day at a Time

Uh oh, friends. I kissed a boy. Well truthfully, he kissed me after two failed attempts, and I eventually stopped dodging and kissed back. I don’t even know why I kissed him except that I was tired of saying “no” and was curious. I shouldn't have kissed because it's not right to kiss someone when you don't feel much of anything for them and know they feel a lot for you.

You see, he told me he loved me. When someone tells you they love you for the first time, it’s a beautiful and special thing. But all I could do was smile back because I love him, but just not that way. I can’t love right now. And I can’t handle being loved right now. I can’t handle any of this right now.

I realized a couple months ago that I don’t want a boyfriend. Actually I had felt that way for awhile, but didn’t know why until then. I realized that I don’t want a boyfriend because I couldn’t handle being in a relationship right now. I would be a shitty girlfriend. I don’t want to be loved right now or to love because I don’t want to think about anyone else but me. I don’t want to open up to someone when I really wouldn’t want to or feel bad for hurting his feelings for not leaning on him or any of the other crap that would come from having someone intimately in my life right now.

And I think that’s okay.

I was thinking the other day about regrets. I don’t know if my grandfather died with any regrets, but I hope not. I never had regrets before, but in the past three or so years, I’ve accumulated three. I don’t think they’re major or will plague me on my deathbed, but as for now, they’re stinging and real.

I know that these three mistakes have made me who I am today, in this moment. But I still regret them. They’re not life-altering mistakes, but they fill my stomach with pain and guilt every time I think about them. I’m embarrassed they happened because I know they shouldn’t have. I don’t believe that every mistake can or should be avoided, but these could have and should have been.

The only peace I can find in those three situations is that I understand why I made the mistakes. And each of the reasons I made them are qualities about myself that I love and am not ashamed of. Though these qualities often lead me to make mistakes, though they lead to disappointment and pain sometimes, they are qualities that are integral to the me that I love and know.

And loving me and taking care of me is hard enough right now so it’s okay that there’s just not room for anyone else. I'm not saying that kissing this someone is a regret, just a momentary one. The difference is it's a little one and one I can forgive myself for because I stopped it from becoming a big one. I know I am not quite myself right now.

Which is why I could not give myself to anyone right now. And I would only want to be in a relationship with someone who I could love and respect as much as he deserves, who I could give back to as much as I take in from. Love is hard enough when both people are at the top of their game that starting a love when one of them is broken is exhaustingly difficult and just not good.

Do you have regrets? Or is it just me?

Thursday, September 18, 2008

I Am Blessed.

I have been thinking the past few weeks about how loved I am. I am blessed because I am so loved. And I feel all that love. And it is not often enough that we tell or show our loved ones how much they mean to us.

I got the oil changed in my car yesterday, and had to get a new battery because mine was caput. They said my battery was 3 1/2 years old. And then I remembered when I got that battery.

I have a master's degree and wasn't sure if I wanted to go to that graduation. It didn't seem like a big deal. But then my friends from school were all going, and at the last minute, I decided to also. My mother, stepfather and grandmother came down for it, but none of my friends or other family members were able to. Except Goofer. He took off work, drove down and spent the whole weekend with me.

The morning of my graduation day, Goofer wanted to get us breakfast so he took my car. And oops. The battery died while he was sitting in an intersection! Luckily, it was across the street from a car shop so he got it fixed up (I paid him back, of course). Goofer always takes care of me. He was at my graduation so I wasn't alone. He fixed my car. And this is only one of the many amazing things he has done for me over the course of our friendship. The past month, he's been calling me leaving sweet messages, even funny ones, and sends thoughtful texts to check in, sometimes with funny pictures.

I am blessed.

In the past few weeks, I've gotten cards, phone calls, text messages and emails from people who love me. Telling me they're thinking about me and praying for my family. People I didn't think I was close with have even contacted me with kind words. My family is sticking together, and we're all looking out for each other. My friends are all looking out for me and loving me right now.

I am blessed.

My closest friend is driving down to visit me tomorrow. We have a history of always being there for each other, and it is so important to both of us to know if there is one person we can always count on and always call on, it is each other. We're going to drink wine in the rooftop hot tub, stay up late talking, go see a chick flick, eat yummy food and even go horseback riding, which is something we both love and don't get to do often. She is going to pamper me this weekend because she loves me, and I am going to let her because I love her back.

I am blessed.

I am also blessed because I have wonderful ex-boyfriends. I like to be friends with the guys I date because I don't understand caring so much for someone and liking them so much, but then just never talking to them again. Why cut love out of your life? One has been contacting me with kind messages and sent a card to my sweet family. The other actually came to the funeral. This one and I have a lot of history together. We went to high school together, dated off and on for 2 1/2 years, and to this day, I would say he's the only person I've ever truly been in love with. And he is a dear friend. Always the King of Grand Gestures, he drove 6 hours to be at the funeral for an hour, then drove 6 hours back to be at work the next morning.

I am blessed.

In the past few days, I've had incredible conversations with a good friend. She and I grew up together, and occasionally, we have really good, deep talks because I think we understand each other in unique ways that other people in our lives don't get. Now I think we understand each other in another unique way, and I can honestly say that nothing anyone has said in the past few months has been as impacting or helpful as the things she's said over the past few days. She is an amazing, strong, passionate woman, and I am thankful that she is in my life because she makes it better.

I am blessed. And so are you. So be sure to thank your loved ones for loving you and tell them exactly why they are the wonderful people they are. Life is too short to just assume people understand how you think and feel.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Pride and Prejudice

I just finished reading Pride and Prejudice for the first time. I love Jane Austen, but for some reason never got around to reading everyone's favorite. Mr. Darcy was not as perfect or dreamy as I expected, but I wouldn't kick him out of the bed for eating crackers either. Elizabeth is, I think, the perfect woman. Sassy, independent, strong - and she keeps that fella on his toes and jumping through hoops. Good for you, sista. But she was prejudiced against him based upon her own wrong impressions.

The novel is really about misunderstanding people. Elizabeth misinterprets Darcy, who misinterprets her and her sister Jane. Bingley misinterprets Jane too. All the conflicts originate with someone making false assumptions. Misunderstanding is the most frustrating thing in the universe - yes, even more frustrating than Comcast. It's so ridiculous and stupid because misunderstandings are easily avoidable and easily fixed. Yet they last for-fucking-ever and can cause irreparable damage.

About a year and a half ago, a good friend and I had a series of fights. We always hit walls in our conversations because he gets ideas in his head that can't be altered, and I always think anything can be solved if you talk through it so both of us were being stubborn. He's always so convinced that he knows what you're thinking and why you're feeling whatever it is you're feeling, but when you say, "No. Actually, I think this and feel that and here's why..." he doesn't believe you. So the conversation is perpetually in a circle with you saying, "I think this and feel that," and him saying, "No, you think that and feel this."

Seriously - how can someone be so headstrong to believe they know me more than I know me? Or maybe he doubted my ability to express my thoughts and feelings accurately? I believe I'm a very self-aware individual, and as communication is my career, I also believe I am effective at communicating myself.

A year ago, I went on a few dates with a guy who had a similar complex. He always thought he knew me better than I knew myself and was a master at reading me, despite the fact we hardly knew each other. He prided himself on it, though I rarely corrected him. One night we were out, and he told me that he knew I was closed off a few days before because I thought he wasn't being affectionate enough with me.

He was spot on about me being closed off - I was, and I concede that my emotions are often easy to read, though the underlying reasons for them are often not. I had actually been thinking that I didn't like him all that much and was wondering if I should call it off or give him a couple more dates. And I had been talking a lot to someone I used to date and wanted to get back together with. He and I did get serious, and Captain Confident was blown out of the water.

It may be naive, but I truly believe open and honest communication is the ultimate peacemaker that could solve every conflict in the world. The problem, of course, is that not everyone is as open and honest about their ideas as Captain Confident was. And that a lot of people are like me - when confronted with his interpretation, I decided against being open and honest because I didn't want to be impolite or make him feel bad. And I think the issue with my friend was that he didn't believe I was being open and honest, even though I was.

It's a real miracle when two people do connect and understand one another and should be treasured. A series of events over the course of a year led me to realize that open and honest communication is essential to me. Friendships and relationships won't work for me with someone who is incapable at open communication or who can't handle mine.

I've been struggling with communication lately. When bad things happen in my life, it is easier to keep them to myself and work it out on my own. I've only talked to a few friends since my grandfather passed. I don't know if talking about it could even help this time. I think it's something I have to deal with alone. So there are seasons for sharing and seasons for not, I suppose.

In my family, we're all talkers. I'm a bit of a loudmouth, but around my family, I'm the quiet one. (Those of you who know me well can only imagine how loud this bunch must be!) We're all open, honest communicators, which is good I think. If there's a problem, we talk about it and nip it in the bud. But also, when things are not going well, we talk then too. And we bluntly talk about how much we mean to each other - no one has any trouble expressing love or affection.

This is, perhaps, why I am the way I am. And this is what feels like home to me. I don't know what to do with people like my friend who doubt open communication or with people like the guy I dated who are so sure of their ability to read other people's thoughts. It's confusing to me. Say what you think, say what you feel, and expect the same in return - that's the way I operate.

It is hard to navigate ourselves through the world, always guessing, but never really getting the right answer. I always give people the benefit of the because my ideas of people are flexible. And I always believe what people say to me. That is who I am, who my family is and what my grandfather instilled in us all. The world would be a much simpler, happier place if everyone lived by my grandfather's example.

But it's messy, complicated, dishonest and disappointing. It's hard to know who to trust and hard to figure out anyone's meanings and intentions. It's easy to be led astray. It's easy to get lost. In the end, the only person I can ever truly know is myself. I know I am honest, and if that's the only good thing someone can say about me, I've lived my life right.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Sensitive Caveman

I have a soft spot for Jersey boys. It started when I lived in New York. I am such a sucker for a thick Jersey accent. I don’t mind hair gel or muscle shirts, though I could certainly live without the gold chains and shaved chests. Jersey guys are hyper-masculine, real guys’ guys, and they’re so forward and honest. That kind of confidence is always sexy.

I also enjoy how complimentary they are. Always telling me I’m “gorgeous” or calling me “babe.” They seem totally unfazed by the prospect of rejection and always come on strong like they’re either so certain their attentions are wanted or truly wouldn’t mind being shot down. It’s perplexing really.

I don’t know what it is about New Jersey that breeds these ideal men, but I have a harebrained theory. There are a lot of Irish and a lot of Italians that settled in The Garden State, and I think over the centuries the strengths of the two have combined to make the perfect man. Muscley, masculine brutes from Ireland and romantic, eccentric lovers from Italy joined together to create "sensitive cavemen."

This isn’t always the case, of course, and it’s just a generality. I’ve dated several guys from Jersey and would say that all but two fit that description. One guy I dated for a month or two had too much of the sensitive and too little of the caveman. And another didn’t even have a Jersey accent, nor did he exhibit anything especially sensitive or caveman. So it's not an exact science.

Years ago, a friend told me I was looking for a sensitive caveman and warned me that no such man existed. I want someone who’s tough, into sports, an alpha male but who is also caring, thoughtful and open with his emotions. That just sounds perfect to me. Maybe I am searching for someone who doesn’t exist, but that still remains to be seen.

I was thankfully at my grandfather’s house the day he passed. His wife and her daughter were there, along with my parents and my aunt and uncle. It struck me that day how different men and women really are.

I would never call myself an essentialist, but I do believe there are distinct differences between the sexes. Generally, men are stronger and bigger physically, and I honestly believe that women are emotionally stronger. Though there are always exceptions.

The women on that day were content to sit and cry, sit and talk or just sit and think about everything. But the two men had to be doing something. They took walks outside, made phone calls, my uncle turned on the television, and my stepfather filled the birdfeeders. It was amusing to me how different were their reactions. It was almost as though they had to find ways to distract themselves from their emotions, like maybe they couldn’t handle it all. I mentioned this to my mother, and she laughed, saying men just never know what to do when women cry.

Do you ever notice, ladies, that when you have a problem or are upset about something, the men you speak to about it immediately try to find solutions and offer suggestions? It can be infuriating because all we may want to do is talk about how we feel, but they seem determined to find a way to fix whatever is the matter. Men and women are different.

I am not much of a crier. I almost never cry in front of anyone and can count on one hand how many close friends in the course of my life have ever seen me cry. I only breakdown when I’m alone. So I don’t know what to do when someone cries in front of me and usually try to make them laugh in whatever way I can find. But when a man cries in front of me, I am frozen and stupefied. I don’t want to be cold or bitchy, but I have to admit I usually hate it when guys cry.

There are good reasons, of course, for a man to cry. Weddings and funerals are acceptable and expected. But when my dude cries when we’re fighting, I find myself only capable of feeling annoyed. Ew or when they cry when you break up with them, that’s really hard to take.

I was in my first long distance relationship recently, and of course it was hard being apart because I really loved being with him. But it wasn’t all-consuming sadness or misery. We saw each other often, the distance wasn’t that great. So I was always weirded out when he cried at the end of a visit. I remember one time he cried, and I felt like there must be something wrong with me because I felt nothing and thought he was silly. I just kept thinking, “Buck up, dude! I’ll see you in a week or two!” He loved me and missed me, and that’s why he was crying – all that I understood, but the crying just never seemed merited to me.

As much as they tried to distract themselves, I saw both my uncle and my stepfather tear up that day. And it moved me. When a man cries only rarely, it is very affecting when you see it happen because you know his feeling must be great. A man that never cried would be as odd to me as one who cried freely. So a sensitive caveman it is. I’m far from Jersey now, but I have hopes the breed exists elsewhere.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Amazing Grace

It is finished. My grandfather died. It doesn’t quite seem real. Everything feels like it’s in black and white. Days feel like weeks because everything is in slow motion. I feel quiet. My heart feels like it’s inside of a fist, my fist, and it’s squeezing tightly to hold all the pieces together, to keep from falling apart.

I had been wondering for a couple months now about how I would feel, what I would do. I feel a little bit like a different person. But more like a different version of myself. This is a part of life I had never known before, and now I do, I know it. I feel almost like part of a club, a group with members who have scars, and I now understand where the scars came from and how it felt as they grew in.

I’ve been watching movies about death lately. Not sad, morbid movies, but movies that show how we deal with death. I don’t know how I’ll deal with it over the next few months. I don’t know what I’ll feel or what I’ll want to do or who I’ll want to talk to. But these movies somehow make me feel like it’ll eventually be alright, that it won’t be the end of everything.

A few months ago, when he went into the hospital suddenly, I craved Little Miss Sunshine. I love that movie and just had to watch it. It’s one of my favorites. Hysterically funny, but so true and poignant too. About a crazy family trying to stay together and get through the ugly mess and hurt of life. Grandpa dies, and they miss him, and he was loved, but life goes on. They pull together and make it. It’s such an honest, real film full of heart.

And I’ve watched Elizabethtown three times in the past few months. Live life to the fullest. Shrug off the disappointments and cling to what’s good, cherish it and soak it all in because the love is all that matters. Smile. And laugh. And never give up. His dad dies, and he sees life for the first time and opens up to all that it is. That movie always makes me feel full of hope, and I laugh, and I believe. And it’s also about a crazy family sticking together, with lots of love.

A month ago, I watched Catch and Release again. Her fiancĂ© dies, and she learns he’d been cheating on her for years. She has a great line in the movie that says she had to lose him to know who he really is and that it changed who she is. That’s probably what always happens when someone we love dies – it changes us. That’s what I feel like is happening to me. I know it has already changed me, and there is more change coming yet.

The weather has not been good lately, and I know it’s all the hurricanes, but I can’t help but feel something larger at work. When PaMa died a month ago, I listened to a song, “It Don’t Matter to the Sun,” when I was driving home for the funeral.

It don't matter to the sun
If you go or if you stay
No, the sun is gonna rise, gonna rise
Shine down on another day
There will be a tomorrow
Even if you choose to leave
'Cause it don't matter to the sun no, no
It matters to me

It rained the day he died, and it was cloudy and gloomy and grey, and I couldn’t help but think it did matter to the sun. The world was sad he was no longer a part of it. That makes sense to me. He knew everyone, was important and renowned in his community, was the head of our family. He was such a force on this earth, his spirit so big and so strong, that surely the earth feels his absence and is mourning with the rest of us.

This evening, the weather was strange. One of those times when half the sky is as black as it’s ever been, but right next to it is the bluest of blue skies and the whitest, purest clouds. Weather like that always makes me tilt my head with confusion, but tonight, I understood that as how I have felt these last few days. Black, dark clouds side by side a pure, clear sky.

Friday, September 5, 2008

My Top Fives

I’ve been talking to a guy for a few weeks and until last night, I was just mildly interested. But now I have to admit, I have a bit of a crush. We’d been emailing about movies, and I think you can tell a lot about a person from their favorites. I like all the movies he listed, own some of them, and a few even took me pleasantly by surprise. But what clinched it all was that he loves Rocky. I love Rocky! He wrote a few sentences about why he loves the Rocky movies, and I couldn’t help but find myself smitten.

Personally, "opposites attract" never worked well for me. Opposites are necessary because I do want a man who compliments my weaknesses with his strengths, but when it comes to most things, I’m looking for a man I have a lot in common with.

What are your favorites? Here are a few of mine, and out of my love for High Fidelity, I’ve compiled them in lists of top fives with no particular rank or order.

Top 5 Songs (selected because I feel the same feelings every time I hear them)

1. Come Pick Me Up – Ryan Adams
2. Cain and Able – Josh Kelley
3. Free Fallin’ – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
4. Baby Girl – Will Hoge
5. I’m Alright – JoDee Messina

Alternates (there are a lot, but it’s so hard to pick just five!)

* Razor – Foo Fighters
* Colorblind – Counting Crows
* Back Where I Come From – Kenny Chesney
* Rocky Top – The Osbourne Brothers (what kind of East Tennessean would I be if I didn’t love that song?? There’s just no comparison - it’s above all the rest.)

Top 5 Movies

1. Almost Famous
2. Elizabethtown
3. Little Miss Sunshine
4. Rocky I
5. Breakfast at Tiffany’s


* Happy Gilmore! I still love Adam Sandler.
* Elf (so cute and happy!!)

Top 5 Dude Celebrities I’d Do

1. Justin Timberlake
2. Derek Jeter
3. Joaquin Phoenix
4. Ryan Adams
5. Ryan Gosling

Top 5 Girl Celebrities

1. Kate Hudson
2. Katherine Heigl
3. Shirley Manson (ooo I have a dirty girl crush on her!)
4. Julia Roberts
5. Cameron Diaz

Top 5 Foods

1. Ravioli
2. Pizza
3. French fries!!
4. Anything with crab meat
5. Broccoli

Top 10 Favorite Things to Do (cuz five is too few)

1. A night in my favorite, secret spot in New York on the corner of 7th and 10th
2. Reading in Central Park (or in Bloomsbury Square where inspiration is like a ghost in the air)
3. Water skiing
4. Anything at the beach – I love being in the ocean, walking through the surf, sitting in a chair letting the tide roll over my feet, playing a little football, girl talk while tanning, anything at all really
5. Eating dinner in Italy with a neverending glass of red wine
6. Long dinners with good friends
7. Cooking
8. Watching the sunset over the ocean
9. Staring at the water – any body of water, it doesn’t matter, it’s the most relaxing and centering thing there is
10. Anything as long as I’m with any of my favorite people

Top 5 Things That List Says About Me

1. I love water.
2. I love cooking and eating.
3. I love New York.
4. Good people to share experiences with is the secret to happiness.
5. I'm pretty ease to please - just food and water are all it takes to make this girl happy.

Top 5 Things I Can’t Live Without

1. My hairdryer
2. High heels
3. The Bible
4. My iPod
5. Football

Alternate – beer!

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