Thursday, September 23, 2010

Let's Do the Time Warp Again

I was watching a TV show the other night, and in a discussion among characters, it was revealed one of them invited an ex-boyfriend to her wedding. They were still friends, but it was made clear they dated for awhile. And I started thinking about the fact that I'm good friends with an ex, who will most certainly be in attendance at my wedding. Is that weird?

We never had sex...but got damn close. It's been almost 6 years since we broke up...but the last time we hooked up was 4 1/2 years ago. I don't know if that makes a difference. We are good friends. He's a good person, kind and loyal and over the past 2 years, my fiance` and I have had several double dates with him and his girlfriend. They're cool, and he knows that my ex is on the wedding invite list.

Thinking about all this has made me wonder what my other ex's are up to. Are they married? Do they know I'm engaged? I'm friends with a girl I met through one ex - if she knows, does he? What would it even matter? I don't want to know if any of them are engaged or married. I thought I might, but I really don't care. The past is the past.

Now they're just stories to tell about my life before I met my fiance`. Kind of makes me think about some of the guys my mom dated once upon a time that she's told me about. Am I someone's story too? I suppose that only makes sense. A couple of my ex's will certainly be cautionary tales I tell my kids! Don't date potheads - they may get high and set your living room on fire!

Speaking of, I think if I found out the Asshole Ex was married or engaged to the girl he was dating when we last spoke, I'd feel really icky. He said such awful things about her - told me she was easy, would do anything he told her, even told me once that she thinks what he tells her to think, shared with a table of people that she gave terrible blowjobs, oh and what else? That's right, in one of his creepy come-ons to me while they were dating, he shared that he wanted to break up with her but couldn't because she was a good dogsitter. Recipe for success, am I right? I think the reason I stayed friends with him for so long was I kept waiting for him to prove that there was more to him than asshole, that the good in him I saw when I loved him really exists...but also...I think I kind of enjoyed the validation it gave me to know that he was still a shit.

I always thought his relationship pattern of breaking up with someone and getting back together over and over (me included) was the perfect precursor to being in one of those marriages where the couple divorces and then later re-marries each other again. The thing is, with him and with any of the ex's, to me they're dodged bullets.

No, that's not true, it's not just that I'm glad I didn't end up with them and found my fiance` instead - it's also that all the bad and good relationships I've ever had in my 31 years helped get me to where I am today. Those are closed chapters in my life, and there are good reasons I don't talk to them anymore, but they were important chapters as well. I learned who I was and who I wanted, what kind of relationship I wanted for my life.

The past is in the past for a reason. Not only because it should stay there, but also because it got us to where we ended up. And where we're going to. I'm not going to say that everything happens for a reason, I honestly wish I had the courage to end some of those relationships earlier than I did, but even the mistakes taught me something that got me to this point and prepared me for these steps. There were lessons to learn, and I learned matter how long it took. Even the mistakes trained my heart for what was to come and what will be.

So, ex's of the world, thank you. I wish you all well. And if I am a story you tell, I hope that it's because our short time taught you lessons that led to your future or current happiness. As they say, all's well that ends well...or really, that just ends.

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