Thursday, June 22, 2006

Watch out for the attack bird!

So the last entry was all sweet and lovely about our fine feathered friends and the peace, serenity and freedom they bring to mind. And this entry is about how mean and nasty and scary birds really are!!

I was walking to the Metro the other day. Basking in the sunshine and the optimism of my morning. When a businessman shouts out, "Watch out for the bird!" Thinking a bird is nearby, my eyes dart about looking for whatever I'm supposed to beware of. Seeing nothing, I turn to him, confused, and say, "What was that?" He laughs and repeats himself, "Watch out for the bird! Ha ha ha! Watch out for the attack bird!"

Now I'm thinking he's just weird and mentally disturbed so I roll my eyes and continue along my way. I reach the end of the block and look up into a tree. I see a cute, tiny, harmless looking little brown bird, and laugh to myself thinking, "Aw, you little thing! Are you the attack bird?"

The second that I take my eyes off of him, he swoops down and pecks my arm!! I shrieked and screamed. I heard the businessman chuckling. Then I see a woman walking towards me, and I say, "Oh my gosh! Did you see that?" She shrugs, unfazed and unimpressed, and says, "Yeah. The same thing happened to me a few days ago. It's amazing how close they'll get to you..."

Amazing how close they'll get? So close that they use their beaks as tiny little swords to pierce your skin and draw blood?!?

I take a few more steps and see a guy walking towards me, jammin' out to his IPod, and carrying a Starbucks coffee cup in each of his hands. I wonder if I should warn him about the attack bird, but then figure I'll let him fend for himself. After all, the warning didn't help me any.

SPLAT! The attack bird strikes again.

City birds can be violent, I guess, tired of all the people taking over their territory, not dropping enough crumbs and disturbing their sleep with drunken walks home. Either that or the aggressive homeless man on the corner of 7th and Penn has been harassing the birds for money too, and they're fighting back. "No I do not want a copy of Street Sense! I'm a bird! I can't read!"

I'm not sure what their problem is, but I know one thing - I'm on the lookout for attack birds. And you should be too. Those little weapons on their faces masquerading as beaks hurt like the devil.

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