Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Back to School

Back to school
Back to school
To prove to Dad that I'm not a fool
I've got my lunch packed up,
My boots tied tight,
I hope I don't get in a fight
Back to school
Back to school
Back to school...

Yes, that's right, I'm back in school. And here are some observations from my first two days on campus:

I finally checked my student evaluations from last semester. I’m always so nervous because I care so much and hope they learned something. Thankfully, they were great evaluations. Literally, one student wrote that I was "the shit." Ha!

I should buy stock in Vitamin Water and Zone Bars. I live off them and perhaps single-handedly keep them on the shelves at the campus quickie mart.

Things I overheard on campus –

  • “There are a lot of black people.” Welcome to Hot-lanta, playa!
  • “She’s a really hard teacher.” Fingers crossed they were talking about me!
  • "You know that movie Malibu Most Wanted? Well, his music sounds like B-Rad rapping over a soundtrack of springs jumping. I don't know, man, maybe it's avant garde or some shit, but I think it just sounds bad." I think this quote is funny enough to stand on its own.

I have a chili pepper next to my profile on This means some former student of mine thinks I’m hot. Is it sick that I kinda enjoy that and want more little peppers next to my name? Hmm…should I wear a lowcut top on the first day of class or a mini-skirt?

The university bookstore is everything I hate about Times Square. Hoards of people, jammed in together tight, shuffling along because they can’t move any faster. The difference is that instead of hearing foreigners point and shout in a dozen different languages, you hear students grunt about the dorm they got stuck with and chat excitedly about what bar they’re going to get wasted at. Well, and of course instead of giant neon signs and billboards, there are textbooks and dictionaries and school t-shirts. That’s a bit of a bummer actually. The student bookstore could use some bling.

In each of the three classes I’m taking, I found a favorite character. In the first class, there’s a guy that looks like Noah. From the Bible. Noah of Noah’s Ark. I don’t know what it is about him that makes me think Noah. It’s not like he has animals trailing behind him two-by-two. I think it’s the grizzly beard he’s sporting.

In the second class, there’s a girl (?) that looks exactly like Wanda from In Living Color. Remember Wanda? Jamie Foxx played her. I’m sure this woman is nice and smart and all things good, but geez it’s hard to look at her and not expect her to say she’s going to rock my world. Or “I’m ret t-go!”

The last woman is the definitely the best. Her name is Millie, and she’s got to be in her 60s. She said that she wrote a cookbook on recipes from old fashioned tea houses. In class, she was wearing a skirt suit that was made entirely from pink crochet. She also had a visor covered with pink fabric and a giant plastic flower. Hilarious! I want to ask her to crochet me a blanket.

One day in the near future, I am going to be swallowed by my books. This semester, I have to buy 25 books and two course packs, which are essentially books themselves and will definitely cost as much. I’m going to be eating cereal for the next four months because all these damn books are so expensive. Or maybe I could just sell all my furniture to pay for the books. It’d certainly make more room for them. Who needs a kitchen table when I have so many books I could just stack them up and eat off them? Chairs? Eh, I could get rid of those too.

It’s been two days, and I’m already thinking about my winter break. Sigh. It’s gonna be a loooong semester…


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