Saturday, July 26, 2008

Work It, Girls!

This morning, I went to strip aerobics. Bow chica bow wowwww! A friend invited me, and I was curious and just had to see what it was all about.

When we first got there, my friend and I gathered around the front desk, filling out paperwork and checking out the list of classes the studio offered. Pole dancing, sexy yoga, exotic moves, belly dancing – you name it, they’ve got it. I, of course, had to ask about sexy yoga. I do yoga and have for years, but how exactly do you make it sexy?

“What’s sexy yoga? It sounds like the Kama Sutra. Haha do you use the Kama Sutra?”

The answer, perhaps surprisingly, is no. "Just some sexy stretches." Not sure what that means, but I'm fairly confident downward facing dog is involved. Then I noticed the names of the instructors: Strawberry, Chocolate, K, Blaze, Seductive. Again, I just had to ask.

“K? What’s sexy about K?”

“She says it’s easy for guys to remember her name. They just say, ‘Ohhhh, K! Ohhhh, K!’”

Before class even began, I knew I was definitely going to have fun. The best part, if you ask me, is that we were told to bring high heels. The pair I chose was quite sexy. Black patent stilettos. I actually chose them because they have these little sticky heel cushions, but whatever – I feel hot wearing them too so that’s just an added bonus.

We step into the studio to find a wall-length mirror and rows of chairs. Blaze, our instructor, tells us that we’ll be chair-dancing later in the class. Hot. After she introduces herself, she asks us to come up with a sexy name and immediately points at me, “What’s your sexy name?”

“Uhh…” Think fast…think sexy…what’s sexy?...Underwear! “Lace.”

Everyone giggles, and I hear one "woo hoo." She continues to ask the other women in the class. Kinky, Brown Sugar, Luscious…their names are way better than mine! Why’d she have to pick me first? Sure, I like lacey panties, but I could’ve thought of something better. Lace just sounds like an old stripper at a truckstop or something. You know, the kind of place where you can eat chicken fried steak while watching a couple old sluts stumble around a catwalk and fall down a pole.

There’s a famous strip club in Atlanta called the Clairmont Lounge. All the strippers there are oooold. It’s where strippers go to die. And I do not want a sexy name that someone at the Clairmont could have! Ick. Before my next class, I will come up with a better sexy name.

And there will be a next class because I loved every minute of it today! Neck rolls, hip shakin’, long leg extensions. Oh yes. It actually reminded me of the dance classes I had growing up. Though I recognized some of the exercises as things I’ve done naked, which wouldn't have registered when I was younger.

We start out with basic stretches, some lunges, move on to an ab workout and push-ups. Holy Moley, I haven't worked out this hard in a long time. I'm gonna be sore tomorrow.

Next, we move on to floor exercises. We're stretching our legs and twisting into all sorts of contortions when I suddenly realize I also haven't had sex in a long time. My sex muscles are gonna be sore tomorrow, and I didn't even get a make-out. My poor pitiful life!

In the second half of the class, Blaze taught us our chair-dancing routine. Hot. Did I say that yet? I mean, I really felt hot and sexy. I got a workout and a self-esteem boost. What could be better?

I was looking around at the class, and there were women of all shapes and sizes. All sweating in our high heels and feeling sultry. Because every woman is sexy. There were some getting into it more than others, some were clearly a bit sexually repressed and some were awkwardly kicking the chairs instead of kicking over them. I was raised Southern Baptist, but thankfully broke out of that shell and rocked that dance routine.

I started thinking about what it is to feel sexy. There’s some TV show called How to Look Good Naked where women learn to love how they look naked. I think that’s great – we could all probably use some help in that area. Looking back, I know there have been plenty of times when I haven’t felt confident naked. Small breasts, sharp bones jutting out everywhere, white ass, messy hair, no makeup…but there have also been times when I felt incredibly confident naked.

I think that part of it is maturity. As I've matured, I’ve become a lot more confident in all areas of my life. Loving yourself is an absolute necessity. And a lot of it is the guy that I’ve been with at the time. Do we have chemistry? Do I really like him? Does he like me? Does he turn me on? I think all that and more goes into it. Of course the longer you’re with someone, the more comfortable you become with them so that can be in the mix too.

Possibly the hottest I’ve ever felt was with a guy I really liked, we had chemistry like fireworks, and I thought he was just the hottest thing. I was never all that sure how he felt about me, but for some reason the rest of it was enough to make me feel gooood. And he was great about giving me compliments. Honestly, if a guy tells me I’m beautiful or hot, that really goes a long way. Again, I’m a words gal, but I think compliments go a long way for every woman. So keep it up, fellas, keep em coming.

As for me, I think I’ll be keeping strip aerobics up. After all, I have that new bed to try out eventually. Might as well work on some new moves while I’m waiting for that special someone. Now if you'll excuse me, I’ve gotta go practice my body rolls now…


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