Friday, July 18, 2008

Let's Hear It For the Boys!

I love my guy friends. They spoil me to bits, and I just eat it up. In Atlanta, I have some girl friends, but my closest friends are all guys. And I was thinking today about how great dude friends are. I thought I’d make a list why.

1. They never cease to amaze.

One of my guy friends periodically sends me picture messages of his hairy ass. Such fun.

2. They really know how to knock a girl off her feet.

I do like being picked up. I don’t know what it is about that, but no matter who’s doing it, I get all giddy. I have one friend that picks me up and throws me over his shoulders sometimes. It’s good fun unless we’re both drunk. Alcohol makes him want to spin me around and ignore my pleas for “Heeeelllpppp!” and alcohol makes me want to throw up.

3. You can always count on your guy friends to tell you the truth.

If I want to be coddled, I call up a gal pal, but if I want the truth, I talk to a dude. My dude friends will always tell me when a guy’s just not that into me or if my date acted like an absolute douche. And if one of my guys doesn’t like someone I’m dating, they’re never afraid to tell me just how they feel - e.g. "He just sucks," "His shoes were fruity," and "That's what you get for trying to date a guy who thinks like a girl." Of course, they also tell me when I’m having a bad hair day or when my outfit is so stupid they won’t stand next to me.

4. My guy friends will eat up whatever I make, even if it’s bad.

Sometimes I go through cooking fits where I cook and cook and cook way too much food for this little person. And when I do, I can always count on a guy to eat it all up for me. In college, I tried to make chocolate mousse, but unfortunately, it wasn’t the right consistency and actually bent spoons. Never fear. My friend ate up not only his serving, but everyone else’s too, saying it was yummy and chewy like taffy.

5. They have good ideas.

My friend, Goofer, visited me in NYC for New Year's and told me he always wanted to pee on a New York sidewalk. He wanted a picture of him realizing his dream so now I have a photo displayed in my home of my friend peeing on his shoes, giving the thumbs-up. Another friend thought it'd be funny to steal a booster seat from Taco Bell. He was right. It was funny to see him run out the door with a plastic child seat hidden under his shirt. He's such a sweetheart, he even gave it to me as a birthday present.

6. They often give bad advice, but it's always good for a laugh.

Gems like, "Don't be dumb - get you some," "You don't have to pick. Just date them both," "Three shots of So-Co will be ok," "The next time a guy does that to you, kick him in the nuts," and "Don't smell it, just drink it."

7. They teach me about sports.

For instance, I've learned: "They're not points, they're runs," "You don't throw a basketball, you shoot it," "Offsides = false start, It doesn't matter they have different names, it's the same thing," and "You can never be too loud while watching a game." I do have to say, though, there is one thing I've heard over and over again that they're just wrong about - "It doesn't matter how hot Derek Jeter is, he's still overrated." In my expert opinion, it's his cuteness that puts him over the top and will ensure he has a spot in every All-Star Game until he's in a walker.

8. I never have to worry about what I wear when I'm with my dude friends because I know I'll always look better than them.

They don't iron. They do the "sniff test" to decide if something's clean enough to wear. They think socks are optional. They think there's never a time or place where it's not ok to wear a baseball hat.

9. Sometimes they use their cock-block powers for good, not evil.

For instance, when a bar guy asked me where I was from, and after I answered "Tennessee," told me, "Well, you're the only ten I see." As if he had a sixth sense, my dude friend showed up just in time for me to say, "Have you met my boyfriend?" And when the guy in the mullet, black sweatshirt and Air Jordans asked my dude friend if I was his girl, he thankfully was smart enough to say yes.

10. I'll always be their favorite girl. Aw.


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