Thursday, July 24, 2008

100 Things About Me

It's the get to know you dance...hello again, new friends, here's everything you never wanted to know about me and more!

Today I visited a blog I’ve been reading for a few years, and she had a list of 100 random things about her. I thought that’d be a fun challenge so here ya go…whether you like it or not! But oh my goodness is 100 a big number. Try to stay awake, if you can.

1. My favorite color is pink. Yes, I am that girlie.
2. I once shoplifted when I was 4. Mom wouldn’t buy me toys so I stuffed a few into my tights. I still remember lifting my skirt and pulling each one out.
3. Red wine makes me feel sexy. And no, I didn’t fall off the bed as I said that like Alicia Silverstone in Clueless.
4. I once met Mr. Big from Sex and the City, and he told me I have “great tits.”
5. I bought a fish with a guy I dated in high school and starved it to death when he stopped calling. All the water dried up, and there was just a tiny fish skeleton left in the fishbowl.
6. When I get horny and have no one to make out with, I eat chocolate and pretend it’s a better substitute. Sometimes it really is.
7. I can’t whistle. And believe me, you can’t teach me.
8. I like camping, but hate the sleeping on the ground part. I’m like the princess and the pea when it comes to sleeping.
9. I have a crush on a CNN war correspondent. He’s Australian and his nose looks like it’s been broken about a billion times. He’s tough and smart and it’s wicked hot.
10. Sometimes when I drink too much, a Yankee accent comes out of this Southern girl’s mouth. I think it’s because when I lived in New York, I drank a lot so my drunken state has an accent from its natural origin.
11. I like text flirting.
12. Last year on my birthday, I had 4-5 beers, three shots of SoCo and lime…I think a lemon drop too…and threw up in my childhood friend’s sink.
13. The first time I got drunk, I was 16 and tried to convince my friend it would be ok to let me take a nap on the bathroom floor at her brother's engagement party.
14. My favorite foods are: peanut butter, pizza, fried chicken, and anything with crab meat. Yum. And if french fries were a man, I'd marry em. Oh sure, I like filet mignon and lobster ravioli too, but these are my faaaavorites.
15. I’m a big fan of onomatopoeia.
16. I get energy from being around people so I hate living alone. Sometimes I talk to myself or my dog just to have someone to talk to. Aw poor me. (Do you see the example of onomatopoeia? I didn’t even do that on purpose. I just love it that much.)
17. My new favorite song is called “Johnny & June.” Look it up, take a listen. I do want a love like Johnny and June! But without all the addiction and adultery.
18. I love shoes. Especially high heels because they make me feel tall and pretty. And I’d have Steve Madden’s love child in a heartbeat for a lifetime supply of his shoes.
19. I think my high school boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn’t give him a blowjob. I was an angel...or a prude.
20. I am 1/8 Cherokee Indian. Some woman tried to get me to apply for all these Native American scholarships for college, and I thought that was shady. I’m just thankful I tan nicely in the summer.
21. I have never smoked a cigarette.
22. My mom is my best friend.
23. I hate it when a guy does “baby talk.” You’re a man. You should be grunting or something.
24. Ooo but I do love to be called “baby.” I am a paradox.
25. I used to want to marry young, travel the world, be poor and live off of peanut butter sandwiches and sex. I dream big alright.
26. I like cheese omelets, but am too lazy to learn how to make them. I just assume one day God will give me a man who can grill (I don’t do that either, but did I mention I bake?) and make cheese omelets.
27. I prefer ceiling fans and open windows to air conditioning.
28. I used to love coloring books, but thought I had to make things the “right color” and make outlines on all the pictures. I didn’t like that. My creativity is messy and unique.
29. I believe that the universe talks to us.
30. I have a hard time with the “boyfriend” word. I’m picky about that. You will be corrected if you use the boyfriend word before I want you to be my boyfriend.
31. Sometimes I end sentences with “yo.” I don’t know why.
32. I once had two dates with two guys in one day. I also had two dates with one guy in one day.
33. Virginia Woolf is my favorite.
34. I was an English major and read only half of the books I didn’t like. James Joyce’s Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man…you bore me.
35. Dixie Carter once told me “Go Vols!”
36. I cannot name all the Supreme Court Justices. It is hard. You try.
37. I secretly want a black baby because they’re so gosh darn cute.
38. I can climax from intercourse.
39. I could never live in Alaska. Or [substitute place with cold climate here].
40. My favorite city in all the world is Florence, Italy, and it’s my dream to retire there. What? Mamma said dream big.
41. I ordered a steak in London and sent it back because I thought it was overcooked. They sent a new one, and I was wrong. It wasn’t overcooked. Their meat is just funky. I started going to Burger King when I craved red meat over there.
42. Before 2008 is up, my goal is to learn how to make the perfect crab cake.
43. I’m not afraid of bird flu. Even if Fox News and Lou Dobbs think I should be. Seriously, Lou, why are you always gettin’ the people riled up?
44. My first kiss was in the 6th grade with a guy whose nickname was Sergeant Slobber. I had nothing to do with the nickname, but he sure did live up to it.
45. I don’t do bald, and in fact, I inspect every guy I date for clues as to whether or not he’ll ever be bald. Scalp is icky.
46. I have never been to Chicago, Boston, New Orleans or Austin. But I want to.
47. I love surprises.
48. I love margaritas and tequila shots and think tequila is my happy juice.
49. I like packing and hate unpacking. Sometimes I wait days.
50. I saved every love letter I’ve ever been given. It’s been…5 years since I got one. Emails don’t count. Why don’t people write letters anymore?
51. I have danced on bars. Many.
[I just remembered I threw that last love letter away. Shit. Hope it’s not the for reals last!]
52. After having a fight with my boyfriend about Adam Sandler, he burned my living room down. It's a long story, but that's the gist.
53. I hate that with cell phones it’s so easy to track me down. Sometimes I don’t answer just cuz I’m not in the mood to be found and wanna be all incognito.
54. I’ve been a maid of honor three times. Four if you count the time I was the only friend invited to one friend’s wedding. And five if you count when my friend whose boyfriend is ring shopping gets married. I am the girl from 27 Dresses, and it is eerie and troubling when you personally identify so much with a cheesy romantic comedy.
55. Rachel Ray annoys me. And what’s with her boobs? They change size and sometimes disappear entirely.
56. I’ve never had sex outdoors.
57. I have a long, thin neck and sometimes it gets sore when I wear a necklace that's slightly heavy...or turtlenecks. Superman had kryptonite, Achilles had his heel...I have a pansy of a neck.
58. My cousin, JEM, and I used to play a game where we’d race to get home from the school bus and whoever got there first would lock the other out. I got locked out a lot. He also used to pee in front of me until we were like 13.
59. I always run water when someone I don’t know well can hear me pee. I blame JEM for this.
60. I was in a showchoir. We had two costumes. One was gold lamme, and the other was blue sequins. I have great jazz hands.
61. I pray often.
62. I hate my hands, but love my fingernails.
63. I always wanted to be a ballerina despite my flat feet and spelled my name the French way for all of 5th grade because that was how my French ballet teacher spelled it.
64. At the end of each year, I count up how many times I cried. So far this year, it’s been 4, which is rather a lot for me. Once when my last boyfriend and I had a bad fight (he had a they all?), once when one of my very best friends got married, and twice about my sick Papaw.
65. I scream when I orgasm and have a hard time climaxing if I’m concentrating on being quiet. Many roommates have heard me…it’s embarrassing…
66. I love road trips. The first road trip I ever took was with two friends, and we drove from Knoxville to Atlanta for a weekend. When we left, I scraped the garage with my car. And when we were in Atlanta, we missed our fancy dinner reservations because we got lost and went around the 285 loop all night. "Look, kids, Big Ben! Parliament!"
67. I like to eat bread when I get drunk.
68. When I was little, I loved to watch Pinwheel on Nickelodeon (shut up to those of you who are too young to remember this show). There was a man who captured sounds in boxes, and I wanted to capture a cloud in a box because I thought it’d be pretty. Until I learned clouds are really just air and not as soft or thick as they look.
69. I dance a lot. On the subway, when I’m walking along the sidewalk, in my kitchen, when I’m driving. I can’t help it. I was born to boogie.
70. I love to throw dinner parties. It’s my favorite.
71. Twice I’ve gone to work still drunk from the night before.
72. I hate close talkers. Get outta my face! I also hate it when people I don’t know touch me. These two may be related.
73. I hate drunk Marines. And no, I will not buy you a Bud Light!
74. My dog uses puppy pads. I know it’s gross, but she’s really little and when I first got her, I was gone for ten hours a day.
75. I believe in true love and soulmates.
76. I am not good at sports, but I love to watch. I played softball for one year in the 6th grade and never caught the ball or hit it once.
77. I’m a sucker for Central Park. And the Capitol. Two different cities. Two inspiring landmarks.
78. I’m a great cook and love it when people finish their plate and ask for seconds.
79. Identical twins totally creep me out. They’re like natural clones. Remember those scary ghost girls from The Shining? How scary were they? I have a serious fear God will give me twins just for having this ridiculous phobia.
80. I’m suspicious of anyone who’s not passionate about something.
81. I turned a guy down for senior prom. He showed up on my front porch wearing a suit and had a bouquet of flowers. It was the sweetest thing, but I already had a date. We didn’t talk for five years, but now we’re friends. Sorry!!
82. I briefly dated a premature ejaculator. It’s not as funny as it was in American Pie cuz you’re actually not supposed to laugh. And I also almost asked another guy if he was hard before realizing he was just that small. Managed to stop myself after saying, “Oh no, are you not…” Yikes. Guess it’s tough to be a dude.
83. I’m just as scared of rollercoasters at 29 as I was at 9.
84. I think the most romantic things that have ever been done for me have been done by guys I didn’t have romantic feelings for. No fair.
85. My mom had a driving contract she made me sign when I got my first car. It had 20-something rules on it, and I broke almost all of them. Oops.
86. A friend and I used to sneak out all the time just to walk around the neighborhood. Yeah. We were bad to the bone.
87. I don’t get Family Guy.
88. I love it when a guy kisses me and holds my face in his hands. Like he’s saying, “You. I want to be kissing you.”
89. I went to the O Town album release party.
90. I once did speed dating because it was free, and I thought it’d be funny. It was. All the dudes were engineers, and all the girls (except me and my friend) were teachers. Aw stereotypes are true!
91. Every day, I try to match my underwear to my mood. Today I’m wearing little boy shorts cuz I feel playful and sporty.
92. I prefer men in boxers. Briefs make me giggle.
93. A friend and I used to always give each other’s guys nicknames. She’s married now, but still makes time to come up with nicknames for my dates. Timeless classics are Condom Pocket Guy, Tupperware Thief and Quick-Draw McGraw. Aren’t we clever? If you name the puppy, you’ll get attached to him, but nicknames work great.
94. Every time I see water, I wish I was in it.
95. My high school health teacher told all the girls we need to marry a man who’s not afraid to walk in the rain. I think lectures like this and about how the establishment (e.g. the Boy Scouts) was always getting him down led to his forced retirement. Thanks for the good times, Herky. Yes, that was his real name.
96. I make the yummiest chocolate chip cookies, but somehow my aunt’s are better even though we use the same recipe. This makes me crazy.
97. I do not like Grand Marnier.
98. A guy has never bought lingerie for me. This is wrong and must be fixed.
99. I own all the Rocky movies because I love him and he makes me believe in myself! But I'm ashamed to admit I've never seen Rocky 5. I have to watch it, no matter how bad you say it is. He’s my Rocky, and I shall do it for him.
100. I can stick my whole fist in my mouth.


Little Sister Pixie said...

Penny Lane,

Loved reading your responses! Here are my comments on a few:

14) Fries & pizza. Yummy!
22) Same here
36) Neither can I
45) I'm picky too when it comes to a guy & his hair. He has to have a head of it!
46) I've been to Chicago, but not to Boston, Austin, or New Orleans. Need a travel buddy?! :)
54) I can identify with a few movies myself.
75) Me too!

Have a great weekend!

Penny Lane said...

Thanks, Lil Sis! Glad to know I'm not the only superficial gal discriminating against baldies. Aw poor baldies. Somebody loves you.

Carolina Girl said...

OMG! Hilarious!

This is my favorite: "Dixie Carter once told me “Go Vols!”


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