Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My Top Ten Deal Breakers

Ok, now I'm answering questions posed by Date Girl and A Fair Fairy. Both great girlie blogs so take a peek.

My Top Ten Deal Breakers

I want to start by saying that I know how I want to be treated, and how I need to be treated, but none of that is listed here. I'm not high maintenance, I don't need a lot, but I know what is enough. I need enough. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

1. Tsk! Temper Temper!

I cannot be with a man with a temper. I recently told my aunt that I can't end up with a guy who has a bad temper, and she told me they all have them. I'm taking my chances and betting that isn't true. This is a major deal breaker, the number one deal breaker, but it's a hard one to spot usually. I mean, at first it's all lovey-dovey, honeymooney, "He can do no wrong," so you don't have your first fight or see the temper flare up until you're already in deep. But eee gads, once it does, I can't shake my mind off it.

The most important things I've learned about relationships in my sorted dating history is that I need someone who communicates in similar ways and who resolves conflict in similar ways. The reason I am single is that I have not yet met a man who possesses these two traits. X communicated like me, but didn't resolve conflicts in a compatible way. He's the closest I've gotten so far.

2. I don't do bald.

I'm 5' 6", and I've dated guys as short as 5' 4" and as tall as 6' 5". I've dated skinny, lanky, meaty, musclely, with a hairy chest, with a hairless chest, brown haired, blond haired, black haired, red haired, men with facial hair, men who couldn't even grow facial hair if their life depended on it...you get the picture. But bald is where I draw the line. Bald just doesn't do it for me.

3. I'd rather take a guy with a sketchy past than one with no past at all.

I've dated guys who were wild, dated crazy girls, had weird hangups about their ex's, whatever it is - I'm sure I've dated it. But when I meet a guy who hasn't had a girlfriend in a few years or yikes ever, I see flashing red lights and hear loud ass sirens. I see it as a warning of potential problems. I've got a complicated past, and I've had a lot of complicated experiences. I'm not looking for a fixer-upper or someone who's not into commitment.

4. Just Say No - to Sloppy Seconds.

I've never dated a guy who's dated one of my friends. The only exception to this in my 16 years of dating is that I dated a guy that Lass had one date with two years before I even met the guy. And I didn't know about that until I told her we were dating. I'm a big believer in girl code.

5. Get back, loud breathers and close talkers! You creep me out.

I don't even like to be around people who do either of these things. Gross gross gross!

6. I would never date a non-Christian seriously.

I've had a few serious relationships, and one thing I've learned is that it's important to date people who want the type of life that you want. When I meet their families, I'm thinking about what it would be like to share a life with this family and be a part of it. I don't want to marry someone who wants to move somewhere new every year or so. I don't want to marry a guy who wants to live way out in the country, far from a big city. And I don't want to marry someone who doesn't share my faith because I want us to share that faith with our children. And I want someone to pray with when things get rough. That's all part of the life I want, and I know I can't settle for less. Not to mention it's a part of who I am.

7. A Republican...sort of

The more I think about this one, the less it matters. What it boils down to is values. If someone shares my values, but votes in a different direction, I think that's ok. I just need someone who sees eye to eye with me on my core values, and as long as we share that foundation, I think we'll be alright. I think. ;)

8. Non-meat-eaters need not apply.

I love to cook, and I love to eat. Cooking is my therapy, and I love having someone to cook for. But if my guy is a vegetarian or even worse - vegan! - I have no freaking clue what I'd cook for him, and whatever it was, it wouldn't be as yummy as something with lots of meat and cheese.

9. Mama knows best.

I could never get serious about someone that my family or my closest friends didn't approve of or didn't get along with. Never. Period.

10. Please observe the No Smoking!! sign.

I could never date a smoker. Never. I watched my sweet everloving grandfather die slowly and painfully of lung cancer, and every time I smell cigarettes, that's what I think of. I think smoking is careless, weak and selfish.

* I had to add two more!

11. I wanna hold your hand.

Some guys are not into PDA, but I am big time. I'm all about some affection. I don't like slimey hand holding so if your hands are sweating, wait til they aren't covered with goo. Also, I don't like it when a guy puts his hand in the back pocket of my jeans. I was just trying to explain this to someone last weekend, and he thought I was weird. Maybe I am. But it makes me feel like a possession, like a dog being held by the collar, and I'm a wild, independent woman that you can't tame.

12. No love for football, no love from me.

I just think it's weird when a guy doesn't like football. And, like, what would we do on Saturdays in the fall if we were a couple? Do I have to explain the difference between offsides and false start to you? Do you have a real opinion about the BCS? I just don't get it, dude.


Who do you think? said...
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The Alleged Ringleader said...

Those are like commandments! I love it!

A fair fairy said...

so very interesting... you made me realize I never made a list, which indeed is reflected by the men I date I suppose (all over the place). I Think I had only one requirement, that somehow corresponds to your #3: a little bit of passion showing somewhere - for anything. scratch that - my husband doesn't really have passion. He definitely has history.

Fine, I am clueless, I had no list, or more exactly, everything I thought I wanted (or more exactly the only thing I thought I wanted), I was wrong about it. hmmm......

Oh and maybe I thought it would be nice if we shared the same political views, idealism, love for the arts and humanism... ahhh, scratch that too.

But damn aren't we perfect for each other.

A fair fairy said...

"dateD" not "date" typo typo ... would not want certain husband to get wrong ideas hehe

Penny Lane said...

Hey, they're not set in stone. So Fairy, if you and your husband are perfect for each other, then you are. No one's perfect, but I do believe people are perfect for each other. And ultimately, that's all I'm looking for. :)

Date Girl said...

I loved how you approached this dealbreaker list. There were a few I have on my own list. I actually came up with a reverse lsit of all the qualities I wanted in my dream guy. I made that list in april, and met match in june. He meets every criteria on the list, and has none of the dealbreakers. So if you post it, he will come!

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