Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Dreaming with a Broken Heart

My grandfather was in my dream last night. I was eating dinner with my family, and he walked in like he never died. He took a quick look at us and then walked out. As he did, he winked at me, and I burst into tears. No one in my family understood why I was crying because they didn't see him.

This year, the holidays are gonna suck. As soon as he died, I told everyone that I already hated Christmas this year and it was months away. Last year, my mother and I went to Florida and spent a week with him celebrating Thanksgiving. Mom told me it was because it would be his last Thanksgiving, but I didn't believe her (I didn't want to believe her). Looking back, I think he knew it would be too. Every year he called and gobbled at us over the phone.

I miss him so much.

A friend told me that I would start seeing him in my dreams. I'm so thankful he visited me last night. But I was so sad when I woke up. I love you, Pap. Gobble, gobble, gobble!

When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
The waking up is the hardest part.
You roll outta bed and down on your knees,
And for the moment you can hardly breathe.
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No, she's not.
'Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

8 comments:

Carolina Girl said...

*hugs* I bet that is his way of telling you that you are going to be ok and he's watching over you all the time. I know exactly how you are feeling. This is my first Thanksgiving without my grandmother. If I close my eyes I can still smell her - and it hurts so bad to know that I can't hug her and tell her Happy Thanksgiving this year. Consider your dreams a blessing! Sure wish we could have them back though. :(

Carolina Girl said...

PS This reminds me of Grey's Anatomy and what Izzie has been going through with "seeing" Denny.

The Alleged Ringleader said...

I read your posts and get so worried about my granddad and my granny. I can't imagine life without them and I won't even know how to explain the devastation that I will feel.
I don't know what I'm going to do.

Date Girl said...

So sorry to hear about your granddad. But I think when people are gone, it makes us appreciate those who are still with us that much more. So I hope you were able to still have fun with your family and appreciate all that you do have. Happy Thanksgiving.

mushashii said...

that happens to me a lot with my grandpa and i am always happy when i dream about him... i think it's their way of telling us that they miss us too. hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.

Jen Kucsak said...

Aww I'm sorry hun. But look at it this way, he's obviously still with you if he's in your dreams. Just think he is watching over you.

Paula said...

it's weird. my gran died in march of this year and to be honest at a lot of times, despite loving her, i wasn't her biggest fan but i've been thinking ever since that christmas won't be the same. i've not had a grandparent die in about six years so i'm almost unused to that kinda loss but it's weird, she almost SIGNIFIED christmas for me. i can't really describe it...

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