To counter Ms. Dowd: Why Men Are Necessary

Do we really need men at all anymore? Sperm banks, advanced reproductive technology, the increasing opportunities available to women.

My good friend, A., and I joke often about being heterosexual life partners. I tell her that she's the best boyfriend I've ever had, she tells me how there's no man as good to her as me. We've named our children and designed their personalities in great detail. She decided I could birth them because, to quote her, I'd be 'better at that.' Everyone will enjoy our company and stimulating conversation. Constantly telliing each other, 'everyone will want us at their parties.'

'Are you going to the party on Saturday?'
'Eh. I'm not sure. Are A. and D. gonna be there?'

We'd be a hit. Basking in our superior companionship, we'd use men only for sexual pleasure.

Though they're good for lots of stuff. Putting Ikea crap together, opening jars, taking general care of ya, fixing your car, picking you up from the airport, they pick you up when you're feeling down, get all protective of you, aw I love my man friends, and I love that they spoil me rotten. I am adored. Thank you, sweet boys.

I live with a lesbian. She says that women are more emotional than men, which, I think everyone can agree is true. And so she enjoys the love of a woman infinitely more than that of a man. Men are frequently detatched, 'emotionally unavailable,' as the saying goes, and had difficulty expressing complex thoughts or feelings.

But when that man who normally struggles with articulating his emotions suprises me by poetically declaring his love, I melt. There is nothing like it. When a guy who's been methodical and careful suddenly lets go and lets you in, ooo aw. Or a guy who's reserved opens up about his feelings. Not that they need to be emotionally stunted to surprise me or make me sigh. I truly prefer a man who's open, honest and expressive and can say, "I want you."

And maybe men need us in that way. To help them see life's beauty, to help them understand the complicated colors and shapes of human emotions. And we need them for something too. In addition to sexual pleasure, of course.

I had a dream last night of my soulmate. That sounds odd, yes, and difficult to describe, so you'll just have to trust me. The reciprocity, the equality, the balance and the understanding between two souls so different in form and composition is one of the great divine miracles humans are allowed to be part of.

Rantings and Ravings

I just had a meeting with dignitaries from Saudi Arabia. It was my first meeting with international dignitaries and made me so happy that I came to DC! I was telling a friend about how cool it was to be a part of something like that and that it was one of the coolest things I've ever be able to do. And the friend said, "Really?"

Yes, really.

I really thought it was cool to be part of a discussion about human rights with members of the government of an entire country.

I am tired of people not caring about politics or the world we live in. Because let me tell you something, they care about you! Politics and history might be boring, and it may seem they don't directly affect your life, but in fact, they do. We are part of a global economy. We are affected by what happens in other parts of the world. And as human beings, we should care about these happenings.

I saw 'An Inconvenient Truth' last week. I explained to someone who had not heard of it that it was a film Al Gore made about global warming. The friend said, "Oh cool. So was he for it or against it?" Wha-huh?

Another friend of mine who is homosexual said to me during the 2004 that she didn't care who won or lost. She voted for someone because a good friend of hers told her to. Recently, with two new Supreme Court Justices appointed, I reminded her of that conversation. And told her that as a homosexual, she should care who won the presidential election because that President was able to appoint two justices, possibly a third (don't die, Stevens!), and those individuals could determine whether or not she is able to marry a woman one day.

I am a feeling person. A person with a lot of passion, enthusiasm and a big heart. That is why I care about politics and the world I am living in. Why do you care?

Hi, Have You Met My Boyfriend?

My mother used to nag me about marrying some guy who sat in front of her at church every Sunday. Some guy I've never had a conversation with or know at all. Nor has she. It broke her heart when he got a girlfriend. She said that his girlfriend and her mother started sitting with him in church every day and she said to me, "That could have been me!" Now, he's enaged. Aaron, I think, is his name. When I was talking to my mother this morning, she told me I shouldn't be so picky. Whereas I actually think that I shouldn't settle. That's something that has always been important to me. So in honor of Aaron the guy who sits in front of my mother at church getting engaged, I'd like to dedicate the following impossible list of perfection -

My boyfriend likes to watch bad scary movies on the couch with me at one in the morning.
My boyfriend likes to make cheese omelets for me for breakfast.
My boyfriend likes Tennessee football and at least watches baseball. He definitely says "Go Vols" and sings Rocky Top at games.
My boyfriend is nice to my dog and gives her all the attention she deserves.
My boyfriend likes the music in my iPod, and I like the music in his.
My boyfriend doesn't smoke. Ick.
My boyfriend thinks I'm cute when I'm drunk. "You're so cute when you're slurring your words, but they're closing the bar and they want us to leave..."
My boyfriend knows the band who sang the lyric I just quoted. And how awesome they are.
My boyfriend is not a Republican. Ick.
My boyfriend's a great kisser, and we really just can't keep our hands off each other.
My boyfriend reads the newspaper (ooo sometimes curled up with me!) and has intelligent things to say about it. And he absolutely knows what global warming is.
My boyfriend makes me laugh a lot.
My boyfriend loves my cooking. Maybe he likes to watch me cook, maybe he cooks with me, but he always helps with the dishes and sometimes has two helpings. Mmm!
My boyfriend is fun on road trips and always gets me Red Bull when we stop.
My boyfriend always makes time for me because he likes being near me.
My boyfriend and I do sexy things in fun, interesting places!
My boyfriend likes back scratches. And maybe head scratches too aw.
My boyfriend is not perfect, but he's perfect for me. And he is out there somewhere. Even if it's not on the pew in front of my mother at church. :P

Growing Up

Getting older. Is that it? Sometimes I notice how jaded I've become, and it shocks me. Where did this come from? I don't recognize the person who has some of the thoughts that pop into my head. I've become so pessimistic, and it's involuntary. I do believe in love and magic and unicorns too (as my sweet friend Amanda always says!). I'm still idealistic and still believe that romance could be hiding just around the corner. But every once in awhile, I think about how impossible it seems to meet a person, go on a date and then years later, get married. How does that happen? And does it happen? It seems like such an impossible thing. Like ok, I 'could' win American Idol, but will I? No. It's possible, of course, but would never happen to me. Where did this ugly monster come from? And how do I get rid of it?

I don't spend as much time wondering about love and romance or other mystical creatures as I once did. I'm so happy now. I love my job, I feel like I matter. I love my friends and that I have so many. I love my apartment, my roommate, my new city home. And more importantly, I really love myself and have learned to stop trying to be someone else and stop making excuses. I like all the quirky things about me that I've been teased for in the past (affectionately and not so affectionately). And I'm just really enjoying my life right now.

Dating has become so complicated in the past few years. Everyone has so much baggage. And we're all starting to really hone in on what it is that we want, what we're looking for, and we've grown out of that 'putting up with crap' phase that lasted far too long.

I had the thought yesterday that launched me into this introspection. My cousin just got engaged, though, and maybe that's what led me to all this. I started thinking about how unrealistic it seemed that one date could ever lead to anything as huge and massive as marriage. They had a blind date. And two years later, they're engaged. It all seems almost hilarious to me. Like something I've seen on TV or in the movies. I mean, one day you have no idea that this person exists or maybe you do but you don't care, and then the next day, something happens and you never go another day without them. Isn't that just weird? And funny? Life is weird and funny.

So good for them. And good for everyone. I'll just sit by and enjoy playing 'the token single friend' role. I like who I am, and I like where I am in life. And in the end that's really what matters. And it's far from where I was this time last year. Besides, I'll know when I meet the guy I'm going to marry. Because he'll either be George from 'Grey's Anatomy' or Lloyd Dobbler from 'Say Anything.' And until that day comes, I'll enjoy the time I spend with them on the small screen in my living room. And enjoy every minute, I will!

Watch out for the attack bird!

So the last entry was all sweet and lovely about our fine feathered friends and the peace, serenity and freedom they bring to mind. And this entry is about how mean and nasty and scary birds really are!!

I was walking to the Metro the other day. Basking in the sunshine and the optimism of my morning. When a businessman shouts out, "Watch out for the bird!" Thinking a bird is nearby, my eyes dart about looking for whatever I'm supposed to beware of. Seeing nothing, I turn to him, confused, and say, "What was that?" He laughs and repeats himself, "Watch out for the bird! Ha ha ha! Watch out for the attack bird!"

Now I'm thinking he's just weird and mentally disturbed so I roll my eyes and continue along my way. I reach the end of the block and look up into a tree. I see a cute, tiny, harmless looking little brown bird, and laugh to myself thinking, "Aw, you little thing! Are you the attack bird?"

The second that I take my eyes off of him, he swoops down and pecks my arm!! I shrieked and screamed. I heard the businessman chuckling. Then I see a woman walking towards me, and I say, "Oh my gosh! Did you see that?" She shrugs, unfazed and unimpressed, and says, "Yeah. The same thing happened to me a few days ago. It's amazing how close they'll get to you..."

Amazing how close they'll get? So close that they use their beaks as tiny little swords to pierce your skin and draw blood?!?

I take a few more steps and see a guy walking towards me, jammin' out to his IPod, and carrying a Starbucks coffee cup in each of his hands. I wonder if I should warn him about the attack bird, but then figure I'll let him fend for himself. After all, the warning didn't help me any.

SPLAT! The attack bird strikes again.

City birds can be violent, I guess, tired of all the people taking over their territory, not dropping enough crumbs and disturbing their sleep with drunken walks home. Either that or the aggressive homeless man on the corner of 7th and Penn has been harassing the birds for money too, and they're fighting back. "No I do not want a copy of Street Sense! I'm a bird! I can't read!"

I'm not sure what their problem is, but I know one thing - I'm on the lookout for attack birds. And you should be too. Those little weapons on their faces masquerading as beaks hurt like the devil.

A Bird's Eye View

I took the subway to work today. I walked up the same blocks to the same station that I walk up every day. Then I sat on the train for the same amount of time that I do every day. And got off at the same station I get off at every day. I suddenly felt bored. The monotony of the day, the doldrum, sunk in as I realized that I walk the same walk every day.

And for some reason, I remembered when I was a wide-eyed, bushy-tailed intern in New York. I took the subway every day, went through the same motions, but it was all so exciting and full of possibilities. And every morning, I went to the coffee shop on the corner (which, sadly, is no longer there) to see my boyfriend-at-the-time. He worked there and always gave me an iced latte for the morning commute. That was a nice way to start the day. But that wasn't the only nice thing about that time in my life. I was just starting out, so full of optimism that I was going to do fun, exciting things with my life. Now I just feel mediocre and mundane. Maybe it's my impending birthday, I don't know.

As I was walking up the escalator, exiting the subway station, I saw a bird perched looking down at all of us. And I wondered, as we all want to be free like the bird, to fly our way through the world, is the bird watching because he wants to be like us? Sometimes I feel like the grass is always greener, and I'm not sure how to escape that feeling.

I was reading a devotional the other night which mentioned the following verse -

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead."

And that, I think, should be the focus. Not thinking too much about the good old days, but concentrating more on what's good about the here and now. In reality, that's what the bird is thinking about. Birds, I recently had to explain to my grandmother, have very short lives. That bird was not thinking about the lives of the commuters he gazed down upon. He was thinking about whether we would leave crumbs behind for him to eat. Or he was thinking about the cool shade he was sitting in at the moment. His life is too short, after all, to spend time thinking about the nevers and maybes and could've-beens. And ours are too.

Love in an Elevator

I always have funny elevator conversations. For some reason, I always have weird conversations in elevators. Our office building is all swanky now, marble floors that my high heels echo off of and a fancy flat screen in each elevator updating you on the weather and the day's top headlines. But you can take the girl out of Hicksville, but you can't take the Hicksville out of the girl, right?

I'm usually walking with one of my co-workers, and at the moment we step into the elevator, we're talking about sex. Or analyzing a date she went on. Or complaining of love woes. Today, I was filling a co-worker in on some salacious celebrity drama about when Clare Danes cheated on sweetie crooner Ben Lee with Billy Crudup who was cheating on Mary Louise Parker while she was pregnant with his unborn son. It could have been worse, I suppose, if I was relaying the twists and turns of a real life sex scandal I was personally a part of. But either way, odd conversation for strangers to overhear.

In fact, my friend and I were talking about a recent dating disaster she had while we were waiting on an elevator, and a man in the lobby decided to wait for the next elevator to avoid hearing any more of our girlie gossip.

What would someone think of me if the only interaction we ever had was in an elevator? Take a few sentences out of any conversation, and you could sound like a total moron or insensitive brat. Which is how the MTV editors make The Real World so darn addictive and entertaining.

And then I think about all the funny Metro conversations I overhear, like the time I heard a man on the phone explaining in great detail how to order a sandwich at Subway. "First you choose the bread. You know, white, wheat, they have a cheese something-or-other. Then the meat selections. Chicken, ham..." Snore. How does that guy have a social life? Who would be the wanker and invite him along to bore everyone at happy hour? But then again, what do I know? Maybe he's telling his 80 year old grandmother that cousin Harry is opening a sandwich shop and not a mass transit system.

Just the other day, I had a phone conversation with my boss about the definition of rape while I was riding the Metro. Who knows what the other passengers thought of me. It's all just an entertaining part of thousands of lives overlapping in a small metropolitan area. Living in a big city is just like being on a reality show. Without the prize at the end.