Sunday, July 23, 2006

Growing Up

Getting older. Is that it? Sometimes I notice how jaded I've become, and it shocks me. Where did this come from? I don't recognize the person who has some of the thoughts that pop into my head. I've become so pessimistic, and it's involuntary. I do believe in love and magic and unicorns too (as my sweet friend Amanda always says!). I'm still idealistic and still believe that romance could be hiding just around the corner. But every once in awhile, I think about how impossible it seems to meet a person, go on a date and then years later, get married. How does that happen? And does it happen? It seems like such an impossible thing. Like ok, I 'could' win American Idol, but will I? No. It's possible, of course, but would never happen to me. Where did this ugly monster come from? And how do I get rid of it?

I don't spend as much time wondering about love and romance or other mystical creatures as I once did. I'm so happy now. I love my job, I feel like I matter. I love my friends and that I have so many. I love my apartment, my roommate, my new city home. And more importantly, I really love myself and have learned to stop trying to be someone else and stop making excuses. I like all the quirky things about me that I've been teased for in the past (affectionately and not so affectionately). And I'm just really enjoying my life right now.

Dating has become so complicated in the past few years. Everyone has so much baggage. And we're all starting to really hone in on what it is that we want, what we're looking for, and we've grown out of that 'putting up with crap' phase that lasted far too long.

I had the thought yesterday that launched me into this introspection. My cousin just got engaged, though, and maybe that's what led me to all this. I started thinking about how unrealistic it seemed that one date could ever lead to anything as huge and massive as marriage. They had a blind date. And two years later, they're engaged. It all seems almost hilarious to me. Like something I've seen on TV or in the movies. I mean, one day you have no idea that this person exists or maybe you do but you don't care, and then the next day, something happens and you never go another day without them. Isn't that just weird? And funny? Life is weird and funny.

So good for them. And good for everyone. I'll just sit by and enjoy playing 'the token single friend' role. I like who I am, and I like where I am in life. And in the end that's really what matters. And it's far from where I was this time last year. Besides, I'll know when I meet the guy I'm going to marry. Because he'll either be George from 'Grey's Anatomy' or Lloyd Dobbler from 'Say Anything.' And until that day comes, I'll enjoy the time I spend with them on the small screen in my living room. And enjoy every minute, I will!


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