I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. The past few weeks have been so hectic with school. I turned in a 30 page paper two weeks ago, last week was Thanksgiving of course, and now I have just two weeks left to write two more papers. Busy, busy, busy. And none of it is good. Every semester has been hard, but this one...I don't know what's been so unbearable but it just feels worse. Soon, it will be over, and I'm already taking study breaks to peruse Amazon for fun books to read on the break. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel whether we can see it or not.
Monday, November 30, 2009
The past year has been such a whirlwind. I can't believe it's gone by so fast. The first anniversary of my sweet grandfather's passing came and went. My perfect boyfriend and I celebrated our first anniversary a couple weeks ago with a trip to Baltimore. And next spring will be my last semester taking classes...forever. So much has happened in such a short amount of time.
I am going to marry this man.
What an odd realization. It's not a new one. I've known for several months, and he's known since our very first date. He called his brother on his way home that night. He flew up to Knoxville for lunch after we'd had only a few dates because he flies for free and he missed me. That was last Christmas. Hard to believe it was a year ago.
He's everything I ever dreamed of, everything I ever hoped for and all I ever wanted that I never truly believed existed. Everyone always told me I was waiting for someone too perfect to be real, that my standards were too high and unreasonable, that I wasn't grounded in reality. After awhile, I could see they might be right. I started imagining my life alone, on my own, and really didn't mind the changed future I saw for myself.
The thing is that I've had a lot of heartache in my little life. I've had more struggles than most people I know that are my age. I've never complained. I had a rough childhood in many ways, but really, I had so much love that I made it through things many don't. I got sick ten years ago and learned I may never be well again, but I had so much love in my life that I could see it outweighed anything bad. Love has always saved me, love has always made the difference. So of course lasting romantic love would find me. It didn't need me to believe in it to come.
He's kind. He's thoughtful. And he's so good. He's such a good person I always say he's the best person I know. He's a hard worker, so committed to his friends and family, sweet and funny and such fun to be around. He makes me omelets for breakfast. He takes out the trash without ever being asked. He misses me when we're apart for even a day. He tells me I'm beautiful several times a day. In the morning when we wake up, he tells me he loves me and says, "Good morning, beautiful." He supports me tirelessly, always encouraging, always believes in me and sees more in me than I often see myself. He would do anything for me.
I love being with him. I feel safe, I feel loved, I feel happy and joyful and like I'm breathing for the very first time. Weights are lifted. I can do anything. And I just want to be near him all the time. Very different feelings for someone who always cherished alone time and never let any guy get too close. It was an adjustment, but one that feels natural now.
I often wonder how I got so lucky. It felt too good to be true for so long, but now, I just thank God and pray we can spend long, healthy lives together. It's funny. In other relationships, I've worried about what life will be like "when" we break up (because until now there was no "if"), I've worried that he'll leave me for someone else, that he'll stop loving me, that I'll stop loving him. But with my guy now, the only worry I have is that one of us will die before we're 100.
I don't know when, but I know I will marry this man. This is the love I spent my whole life wishing for. And it's better than I ever imagined it would be. A lot can happen in a year. I can't wait to see what the next one holds.
Posted by Penny Lane at 2:59 PM