I have been too hard on myself, and those days are over. I just have to stay grounded in who I am, and I'll be ok. I know myself, and that's all that really matters.
I think that for a long time, I blamed myself for not being able to say "yes" to something that seemed so perfect. In the end, it was actually that it was never perfect or right. And I didn't do anything wrong, except not trust my instincts. More often than not in my life, I have let people make me feel a certain way. Make me feel wrong. But just because someone tells me something is true, that doesn't mean it is.
And the truth is - I rule. I am great. And I know it. The people who love me know it. It's just a fact. I am strong. I am resilient. I am optimistic and positive. I am sensitive and honest. And a freaking blast.
Oh, birthdays. You can sure beat a sista down. And I'm wobbling a lot on this one. But I just feel more confident and more centered than ever before. There are little things about me that I really love. And I need to remind myself of them more often. So let me just talk about myself for awhile, k?
- I love to scratch backs. People seem to like having their backs scratched, and I like being the one making someone feel happy and relaxed.
- I love brunch. It is by far my favorite meal. I love Bloody Marys, Mimosas, and some yummy cheesy eggs to go with great conversation and company. And brunch, like everything, is always better with sunshine.
- I need coffee in the morning. And I need to snooze. I am a night owl, not a cheery, perky morning person.
- I love my family. Even though they're crazy and make me feel like a black sheep sometimes. I love how loud they are, I love that we're always there for each other, I love that we're so close. I feel a little sorry, truly, for people who don't have close, big, loud families.
- I am a damn fine cook. And I freaking love it. I cook lavish meals for just little ol' me sometimes if I need a little relaxation and pampering. It's like therapy. And I love cooking for other people. I think it's such a giving, generous act to spend so much time putting love and goodness into a meal.
- I have dualities. I like to water ski and snow ski. I like the beach and the mountains. I like beer and champagne. Dressing up and dressing down.
- I am good at taking care of other people. I am really good at loving. It's our purpose in life, isn't it?
- I have great taste in music and movies. Totally.
- I am a great hostess. I always throw fun parties and I'm always the life of the party anywhere I'm at. If I ever get married, we will be the cool couple who have nights out on the town and drink to excess. And one day, I'm gonna have a sweet old house with wood floors, a porch and lots of character. Maybe even a ghost! If I want one. He'd probably come around for the parties too.
- I would get in a car right now and drive to a beach. One thing I have learned is life is what you make it. I thought I couldn't take a chance, but no, I could. I just didn't want to. And that goes to show me that I should trust myself more. I am courageous and impulsive.
- I love my loud laugh, and that I got so excited watching a football game at a party a couple years ago that someone told me to use my inside voice. As if I have one. Loud and proud!
- I like walking in the rain and bubble baths and long dinners and movie days. And now I feel like I'm writing a personal ad...
I have honestly never felt better about myself, what I want and how to live my life. I feel like everything I've experienced in my life is culminating into this one moment. 29 is gonna be great. Because I will make it great.