Thursday, September 6, 2007


When I was in high school, my friend Laura Goss got dumped by Ryan...something-or-other. She was practically inconsolable. We were sitting in the school parking lot in her car after school. And she was going on and on about how he was the love of her life, they were going to get married, she'll never meet anyone, boo hoo. (Wish I could tell Laura at 16 how much fun she was having out in Buckhead a few years ago at her bachelorette party!) I did my best to comfort her, and then, in an attempt to make her laugh, I pointed at a license plate that said - "ITLBOK." We laughed. It'll bock. Then we realized it said - "It'll be ok." - and we went to TCBY.

A few weeks ago, I started making a mix for a friend (sorry I haven't mailed it yet, E, but I will this week! promise!). It ended up being so full of songs that it's now my favorite playlist on ITunes. It's a compilation of songs that make me feel like everything is going to be alright. No wonder I've been listening to it a lot, right?

59 songs, in fact, and that in itself should make me feel better. Lots of positive messages out there in the universe to be grasped hold of. But if that's true, then why is it that we keep replaying the negative ones? Why do we listen to hurtful things that people have said to us and forget all the encouragement and love others have given?

Don't worry up your mind.
People are sick and mean sometimes.
They're only words.
They're only words.

I don't know why, when I have so many great things going for me, I think about all the people who have left me or hurt me more than the ones who love me and have stuck with me through good times and bad. I don't know why we let another person's problems affect us so deeply. And that's all it is sometimes. Like Ryan says. People are sick and mean sometimes. No amount of analyzing on my part is going to help me understand why some people just shit all over others to make themselves feel better. So why then do I spend so much time trying?

Get up, get out.
Get away from these liars.
Cuz they don't get your soul or your fire.

I don't know why we cling to the negative. Maybe we think that if we can just understand why and what happened, we can somehow reverse the damage. Of course, we can't. And thinking about something too much just seems to reinforce that damage and give it a greater power over us. When we're hurt, it's hard to think about anything else but the pain that we feel. If someone says something hurtful to me, I take that hurt in and let it walk around for awhile. Letting it stop at every insecurity I have, every mistake I ever made and find a way to squeeze itself into those memories. Ultimately, though, the positive has to win out.

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

The positive is stronger than the negative and after many sleepless nights, something will happen that uplifts us and we'll remember again that life has more love than pain, more good than bad. All it takes is time. I look back now at the most painful things that have happened in my life, and while some left scars I will never forget, almost all of them no longer have control over me. Of course, life is a cycle so while those things don't twist my stomach into knots anymore...other things do but will hopefully rotate out soon.

Square one, my slate is clear
Rest your head on me my dear
It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears
It took a long time to get back here


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