Monday, March 29, 2004

Some people think that there is a personal Heaven for everyone. That when you die and go to Heaven, it's whatever would be Heaven for you. Like Disneyworld without any lines and free Mickey Mouse ice cream. Or that beach from the Corona commercials.

If that's true, then there has to be a personal Hell too. And I know what mine is. Dating. To be permanently dating and filtering through all the losers. This long, neverending process of game-playing and confusion. I feel sometimes like Sysyphyss. I'm sure I spelled that wrong.

But to me, dating is like pushing a boulder up a hill only to have it always come rolling back down again. You put in all this work, all this energy and effort, but you know it's going to roll back at you. You know you're cursed and that the process will always end up crushing you in the end. Whether your heart is broken or you're frustrated to the point of feeling defeated. You know that you're putting in all your blood, sweat and tears, but eventually, the damn thing is just going to roll over your big toe.

And because you are aware of your curse, you're constantly waiting for it to happen. You're anxious, analyzing every move of the boulder so that you can know when it's going to roll back and you can get out of the way.

That's what I think about dating. It's just hard.

So why do we do it? Because of the joy and pride we'll feel if we actually get the boulder up over the hill? We'll see if that ever happens. It's enough to make a girl want to go back to rolling Hot Wheels down the driveway.


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