Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Psychic Stomach

I think I am psychic. I have always had that opinion, and now I am coming clean about it. Sometimes, right before something really bad happens, my stomach hurts. I know that sounds hokey and a little imaginary, but I am telling you, I know what the stomach ache feels like and it always prepares me for the worst. It's kind of a flip flop sideways feeling, like you get on a rollercoaster.

Once, sophomore year in high school, I got the creepy loopies in my tummy and what happened? Only a few short days after a magical evening at the Homecoming Dance which was concluded by an innocent little kiss, my date Nicolas...something or other dumped me high and dry. Said he just wanted to be friends. It was totally out of the blue, and I would have been unprepared to handle such a blow from Mr. Whatever-His-Name-Was had it not been for my psychic grumbly belly. And now I have progressed so far beyond that tragic moment that I have completely forgotten his last name.

My stomach woosies have proved themselves time and time again. An excellent example was a week or so before The Fire of 2002, or the day the living room died as some like to call it. That's a good 8 or so years of successful testing. Even the most scientific scientist would have to agree. It's just a fact now. My tummy can predict disaster.

Sometimes, though, I get that very same cosmic feeling in my gut, and I know (from all these tested and true experiences) that it's not predicting anything. It's only happened like that three, maybe four times.

I'm not quite sure how to explain it. It's telling me it's empty. No, not that I'm hungry because I can still feel it after eating four slices of pizza. It's telling me that I'm empty. That there's something missing. Something has made a hole in my insides, a cavern in my soul.

The worst thing about this kind of stomach knots is that they don't go away. They just sort of sit around festering and tormenting, reminding me that I've lost something important that I need to get back.

Ok, ok, sometimes it's a guy, but even when it is a guy, it's more than that. It's like a wake-up call, a call to arms, a call to action, my body is manifesting itself in order to get my attention.

Maybe the guy is gone forever and that aches on its own, but this other thing, this stomach thing, is telling me I have to change something about myself, I have to reevaluate myself and evolve. Pick up the pieces, put them back together again and move on. Guy or no guy, I gotta have me in place. I hope everyone has a wake-up call as unrelenting as mine.


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