Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Looking for a Little Guidance

I am a lover - not a fighter...which is to say, I really suck at fighting. I would rather resolve a conflict in a peaceful conversation than have a heated raging fight that ends up in more unresolved issues.
In the past few months, my fiance and I have learned that there are a couple people in his life who aren't thrilled that we're together. Everyone loves me, but these three...and yet why does it feel like everyone hates me???

Their reasons are ridiculous. Mostly, they're bummed they don't see their good pal as much as they used to, but instead of understanding it's because he's entered a new phase in his life, they direct all their angst at me. I've taken him away from them. I've changed him. Blah blah. One piece of "evidence" that I'm a horrible person is that instead of going on vacation with a group of his friends, we attended the wedding of one of my friends. The horror!

It's caused a lot of stress and heartache for us in the past few months, which are supposed to be part of one of the happiest times in our lives. It sucks. We've gone around in circles about it, but both have finally succumbed to the fact that there is nothing we can do. My heart really hurts for him because he's been in so much turmoil over this. It hurts him that his friends are not supportive, but it hurts him more to realize that he has to lose them.

Believe me, I'm shortening a very long, drawn-out ordeal, but it is one of the more difficult times in my life. Everyone likes me! Everyone always likes me! No, you don't understand, I'm serious! My mom said that's what's really gotten under my skin, and she's probably right.

At the crux of the problem are two mean girls. The third is the husband of one of them. And no, the other girl is not single with a crush on my man - in fact, she's married to his brother. Ohhh now it gets complicated!

My fiance has had issues with her in the past, and he doesn't really like her...not that anyone knows that because their family is one of those that never talks about their issues. Sigh. It's a freaking mess.

He's been incredibly supportive of me throughout, which I couldn't be more thankful of, and we've both come to terms with the fact that this is just the situation we're in. There have been conversations, but none that went well or changed things. The brother is trying to stay out of it, which is good, but I also don't feel comfortable around him because I assume he must agree with his wife at least a little. What am I getting myself into!

It all goes back to a lifelong problem of mine. I can't get over it when people dislike me. It hurts so much and for always. I am just not able to say, "If you don't like me, it's your loss." Of course it's their loss. Of course I've done everything I could do. Of course everyone else in his life is thrilled that he's marrying me. So why do I let these three stress me out so much? Why can't I just breathe and move on? Why can't I stop thinking about it? Any advice or insight would be super. :)

2 comments:

Date Girl said...

I'm so sorry. I hate it when people don't like me. I'm with you-there could be a crowd full of people that love me, but I will obsess over the one person that doesn't.

My only advice is to try to ignore them. Realize their dislike of you probably stems from jealousy in some way. Like you said, you take up your fiance's time and they are too immature to accept that. Give them time, hopefully eventually they will grow up and realize that you are the most important person in his life now. And if they don't? Well it really is their loss. :-)

CarrieAnn said...

Oh. My. Gosh. Where have you been? I thought you left me alone here in the blogosphere, and I was so sad! And your new post didn't show up in my feed....ugh...

This, my friend, is a tricky situation. Being in a relationship always causes shifts in other people's dynamics. Suddenly, they do not have their friend/family member around, and they selfishly begin to think of themselves. It's easier for them, too, when there are others who are willing to gang up on you with them. I will never understand people like that. Why not just accept you for the utter awesomeness that you are instead of pushing you away? But that would probably require too much maturity on their part.

Please blog more soon. :)

 
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