Thursday, April 8, 2004

Unify and attack!

So I feel like finally I can now understand the phrase "reaching the bottom of the barrel." Well, that one and also "all the good ones are taken." I mean, is it possible to have realistically reached this point at the age of 25? Isn't that a little too young to be confronted with these harsh realizations?

I'm being honest, though, I think they just get worse and worse as I get older. Even meeting new people and seeing the potential that I have to choose from is disheartening. One of my friends had a date with a guy who gave her a gift when he showed up to take her out. Sounds nice, right? It was a large metal tin filled with three kinds of popcorn. What is the world coming to?

Someone met me out for a drink wearing black sweatpants and a tee shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Another guy, a friend of one of my friend's, spent an evening flirting with me only to end it by asking, not for my phone number or if he could take me to dinner sometime, but by literally saying, "Wanna come home with me and fuck around?" A third guy met my friends and I out to watch a ballgame. He seemed so nice. So fun. So interested in getting to know my friends. Then he accompanied one of my guy friends to the bathroom where he promptly asked my friend for a Vicitin that my friend was taking for a broken arm.

What is the world coming to? And those are just the freaks I've encountered out in this dark dating world. Popcorn tins, sweatpants, and pill-poppers - is that all there is?

I mean, I know there are nice guys. I'm friends with some, I've dated some. But there are also boring guys, guys that are obsessed with work, guys who are commitment phobes, guys that have physical deformities...What? I'm just saying...

Ok, ladies, we talk and talk all day about sisterhood and solidarity, but now's the time to take action. When you happen upon one of these freaks, help us all out. Label him. Literally. We'll all stash some maximum strength sleeping pills in our purses which we can use to drug them. Or Rufies, why not, they use them on us? And then we'll take them into our bedrooms where we have secret tatoo tools hidden and we'll tatoo their heads with words like "Loser" or "Freak" or "Stay Away." What are the men gonna do? Lock us all up?

Do it in the name of sisterhood! Do it in the name of survival! And then once we have all the appropriate fools labelled systmatically......we'll fight tooth and nails for the good ones that are left. Sounds like a great plan to me.


template by