Pretty Enough for Me

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me?

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it’s real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me?
- Kasey Chambers

The first time I heard that song I felt the lyrics were already so familiar that I could almost sing along. I knew them instantly by heart as though they had been written on mine for years. And it's true. Sometimes we all go through periods of self-doubt, where insecurities reign and self-confidence has been chased away. Whether you're a man or a woman, you've definitely had an experience (usually a heartbreak) that left you wondering if you somehow just weren't enough.

I like that she says "I try as hard as I can" because that's all that you can say when your thoughts are cloudy with questioning. You know you tried as hard as you could, but you still wonder what you could have (or should have) done differently. You wonder if you were a little better or a little prettier, would things be different?

I find myself caught up in thoughts like those sometimes. They feel like cyclones, spinning you out of control until you feel far away from who you are.

The harsh thing is that it's true. Sometimes you aren't pretty enough or smart enough or strong enough. Sometimes being you isn't enough.

When you break up with someone, it's not always because of outside circumstances. Sometimes it's about the guy. Sometimes he's just not enough for you, just not what you're looking for or what you want. And that's okay. Sometimes someone doesn't want to be with you because they just don't want you. It might mean that you aren't enough for them, but it never means you aren't enough for someone else or that you aren't enough for yourself.

That's the important thing to remember. In the midst of the doubting, the questioning, the self-deprecation. You have to hold onto yourself and what you know of you. You have to hold onto who you are and what you want. And you have to hold it up. I may not be pretty enough for him right now, but I'm happy with me so it's ok if I'm not what he wants.

I listen to that song every now and then, and sometimes the words still sting. But I always know that no matter what, whether he wants me or not, I'm good enough for me and content with myself so that's all that matters and all I need.