Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Airing Dirty Laundry

First, thank you to everyone who responded to my poll last week. And I'm pretty sure it worked as a polite warning so thanks. It's always good to hear your opinions and get your advice. My internet friends are just like real friends! Kinda funny, but true. I've caught myself telling a story a few times that happened to "a friend" and realizing that I actually read it on one of your blogs!

Besides mentioning it here, I also told some friends that the Awful X posted an antagonistic comment. I can't say his name to anyone I know without hearing a chuckle or seeing a dramatic eye roll. First tip a guy's a loser - no one you introduce him to likes him. That used to bother me. I'd defend him or I'd feel uncomfortable, but now I just laugh and roll my eyes with them.

Truthfully, I've been doing that for quite a while. It's just that things with him were so bad that looking back they just seem hilariously absurd. Really? He really did that? I kept dating him? Geez. It used to be so embarrassing, but now it's easy to laugh at because I don't recognize the person I was when I was with him anymore. It feels like I'm just laughing at someone else.

Examples. He once had a party and didn't invite me. Though also didn't give a second thought to telling me all about it the next day. We went to a festival in the middle of downtown, and I got separated from the group (I also got drunk but we all were). I didn't know my way around town at all, and security forced us out an exit we didn't enter at so I was truly lost. My phone stopped working because it got wet so I called him 4 or 5 times from other people's phones. He kept telling me I was drunk and bothering him, then he'd hang up on me. Keep in mind, I was lost in downtown Atlanta. Not exactly Mayberry, y'all. I finally found my way with the help of a kind cop. I still think about that night with chills. I'm so grateful nothing bad happened to me.

He stood me up maybe a dozen times. The worst was when he made me go to two concerts for work by myself. I still stayed at his place that night, but from the time I walked in to the time I walked out the next morning, he didn't kiss me once. Ouch.

After we broke up and stopped talking, I was with one of my best friends in New York when he sent her a text. He happened to be in town at the same time and texted her to meet him at his hotel. She said no, and he kept trying to persuade her, even asking her to bring alcohol to his hotel room. Finally, she (meaning me because of course by this time I was sending the texts) said, "What about Penny?" His response: "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

I could keep going, but I won't. I'm sure you've got the picture. I left out the most private, most hurtful things like when I was crying about my sick grandfather and he told me to shut up. Those are still difficult to talk about.

And I should also add that this isn't entirely his fault because I could have (and should have) walked away at any point. Eventually with a few grand gestures, he apologized months later. It was genuine and heartfelt, I believe. We tried to be friends for 3 or 4 years. I know, I know, but we'd known each other since we were 12. And I knew that I was a different person when we dated so maybe the same was true for him. He said he changed, and I loved him. I knew him inside and out and...believed in him, believed he could change. Famous last words.

Back in January, he sent me an email and said we were never really friends. At first, that hurt because I tried so hard and even then still believed in the good in him. But then I recognized this old pattern and knew that for whatever reason, he was trying to hurt me. I started thinking and realized that for the past several years, I've continued to make excuses for him.

The past few years he'd been dating the same girl. After their first 6 months together, he paid about $75 to mail a box of Godiva chocolates to my work. He used to say the most awful things about her. He told me more than a few times that he wanted to break up with her but couldn't because he traveled a lot and she watched his dog when he was gone. He said he'd have to give the dog to his parents without that so he had to keep dating her because she was a good dogsitter. Once I asked him what kind of music she liked. He told me she liked whatever he told her to like. Another time he told me that she didn't challenge him at all, that she didn't challenge him like I did.

I realized that I gave up on him about a year before we stopped talking. In December of 2007, we went to the SEC championship together. Our team lost, and he tried to start a few fights with fans from the opposing team. He does that a lot and always brags about it later. It was embarrassing, and if he wasn't wasted I would have left him there. When he gets drunk, it's toooo drunk, you know? He stumbles, stutters and slurs. Anyway, I actually got a little afraid that he'd say or do something to the wrong person.

Later that night, he told me that his girlfriend (who, he boasted, was once on Girls Gone Wild) was still young and adventurous enough that he was trying to talk her into having a threesome. He said she was his one real shot at ever having one then he bragged about other things he'd talked her into doing in the bedroom. A couple hours later the poor girl joined us as did one of my friends and a couple of his. He tried to start a fight in the bar over the game then announced to us all that his girlfriend gave terrible blowjobs.

And I realized he hadn't changed at all. I tried to keep my distance after that, and I'm sure it was something he picked up on. He's right. We weren't really friends. I just gave up.

I don't know if all those things were some kind of show he put on for me, that maybe he couldn't let me know that he was happy and in love with a wonderful girl. But regardless, it's pretty awful stuff and would certainly break her heart if she knew. I don't know if any of it was real, if any of it was who he really is. I don't know if I ever knew him at all.

I used to feel like I deserved how he treated me, that I had done something to cause it or bring those bad things out in him. And who knows, maybe I do. I thought that he hated me and that's why he was always so hurtful. Maybe he's perfectly kind to everyone else and only ugly to me. I doubt that, of course, because before he was with me, he did something (he would never tell me what) that sent him to anger management classes. And another girl took a restraining order out against him.

I hope he's completely changed. I hope he's a different person. I hope that for whatever reason maybe I was what brought all that out in him, and now that we're not speaking, he's a brand new man. And I truly hope he finds all the happiness he's ever searched for. I'm just thankful that for the first time, I can see clearly and that I don't ever have to hear from or talk to him again. I'm relieved that he's out of my life forever. Peace be with you, go with God.

Sigh. It's a real relief getting all this out, putting it all together like this.

* Hey, Dixon-Hughes, get a life and stop stalking my blog. It's weird and you're creeping me out.


Carolina Girl said...

Girl I have one word for him.


So glad you are past deserve WAY better. Any girl does.


Date Girl said...

I agree with Carolina Girl, he was a tool. I'm so glad you've moved on. I think we all have at least one (several!) guy in our past who fits most of this description, and we dated him because we thought we deserved it somehow. But just think how much you appreciate what you have, now that you've experienced the scumbag!

Friend said...

Brad has serious mental issues and short man syndrome. He's an angry little elf. Plus he's fucking creepy. Don't know why you didn't stop talking to him years ago.

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